Well, I've been married a really long time and never had a problem. My wife surely doesn't discuss with me if she wants to buy $1500 worth of pots and pans (which she just did) and I end up paying for them. I don't need them; she really didn't need them, either, but loves to shop. She also didn't ask me about planting dozens of trees to line our entire yard; she just bought them, asked the gardener to plant them, and it made her happy. I didn't really want them, but I don't care enough to make an issue of it. For us, "give and take" is about stuff that impacts both of us, not just one. Now that our kids are grown and gone and living their own lives, we have more freedom than ever to do what we each wish. Whatever works for you is probably best.