Well, I've been married a really long time and never had a problem. My wife surely doesn't discuss with me if she wants to buy $1500 worth of pots and pans (which she just did) and I end up paying for them. I don't need them; she really didn't need them, either, but loves to shop. She also didn't ask me about planting dozens of trees to line our entire yard; she just bought them, asked the gardener to plant them, and it made her happy. I didn't really want them, but I don't care enough to make an issue of it. For us, "give and take" is about stuff that impacts both of us, not just one. Now that our kids are grown and gone and living their own lives, we have more freedom than ever to do what we each wish. Whatever works for you is probably best.
That. I can't imagine not discussing things of that magnitude, like erecting a tower at OUR home, with my life partner. It's like she would go and buy a new car without discussing it with me first. I'd be royally pissed. And I totally get that for vast majority of "normal" people, towers and big yagis are a MAJOR eyesore. I get it.
Well, this hasn't to do with towers, but why would you be "royally pissed" if your wife bought a new car without discussing it with you? What if it was in her name and she paid for it with her own money -- or financed it only in her name, insured it in her name, and made all the payments? You'd still want to be involved? No problem: Everyone does their own thing, but I just wonder "why?" It wouldn't bother me at all if my wife did that. Actually, it would probably avoid arguments because if she advised me first, I'd probably point her towards something else that was not her original decision and then regret doing that.
My wife has her checkbook and she buys whatever she wants. I have a 195 ft Tower in my backyard and I never asked for permission, along with about eight 100 foot utility poles for my rhombic antennas. It is just a hobby.
Here there's no such thing as "her" money, or "his" money. This might explain why such purchases need / should be mutually discussed. Purchases like a tower are never a problem, nor was the Yagi on top.
Obviously it helps a lot if you have a large amount of disposable income. For most couples, significant purchases must be discussed and planned for.
Each spouse buying whatever they want irrespective of cost without mutual discussion, sounds like a great formula for getting to 60 years old and having no retirement savings. No thank you!
This is why some households work well on a "his money"/"her money"/"our money" basis. Big, necessary expenses and long-term savings are funded by "our money". Excess/recreational money can be subdivided between "his money" and "her money". Of course, the XYL might have something to say if "his money" were spent on a tower close to "her house".
I rent a house in town. I have a discreet portable military mast secured to the house against a thickness of board so it clears the eaves. It has a 2/440 collinear. I am considering a shortened 75/80 meter wire antenna along the fenceline between the house and the fence. While push-up, tilt-up and crank-up towers are available, I need to be in the clear of power lines and I want my amateur radio hobby to be discreet to avoid house burglary. ..and I think my neighbors appreciate a view, unobstructed by me, of the big sky of "The Big Sky Country". I have acreage in the mountains. I have tall trees. There are excellent wire antennas. I choose wire antenna experiments. It is portable wire antennas that are a big part of my enjoyment of the amateur radio hobby.
