When do you tell a woman you're a ham?

Discussion in 'Ham Radio Discussions' started by W6IRE, Nov 29, 2008.

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  1. W6IRE

    W6IRE Guest

    I've started dating a very nice woman and I have not yet revealed to her that I am a ham radio operator. I keep a low profile as far as amateur radio goes, only my family and a few close friends know I'm a ham.

    Anyway, this woman is pretty and sweet and I really like her. I want her to view me as a normal, well adjusted man worthy of her investing herself emotionally. I'm afraid that if see sees radios and antennas she'll realize that I'm a ham and she'll drop me like a hot potato and move on to the next eligible bachelor...

    I've have not yet slept with her and I think that before things become sexual, I should tell her I'm a ham, that would probably be the honorable and moral thing to do. On the other hand, if I keep it a secret until we are well into a serious relationship and someday she finds out I'm a ham, she may feel that I have deceived her.

    Sometimes late at night, when I'm alone, I like to sit in the dark and talk to men on the radio. Everybody on this forum does the same thing, but to people outside of our hobby, this sounds very peculiar. I want to have a normal, nice relationship with a woman but a part of me still likes to exchange signal reports with other men on 40 meters.

    Anyway, I've come out to my friends and family about being a ham but am very worried about how a normal woman is going to react. I know I can't keep it a secret forever, some day she will discover my proclivities. Maybe some day she will come home early and catch me on 20 meters and her perception of me will be altered irrevocably.

    So, my question is, how do you guys handle this? Do you tell the woman right away or do you wait until well into the relationship before you spring it on her?

    Thanks..............Richard W6IRE
    K6BSO likes this.
  2. K1OIK

    K1OIK XML Subscriber QRZ Page

    Tell her after you get her pregnant (assumes facts not in evidence that a ham could do the act to get her pregnant).
  3. KT4W

    KT4W Ham Member QRZ Page

    Best to tell her in a public atmosphere. That way she will not tempted to go crazy. If you don't tell her that way then there is the more embarassing moment. Like when you are in an intimate situation and you stand there with your clothes off and she points and laughs hysterically and says "You're a ham, aren't you!"
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2008
  4. K2DSL

    K2DSL Platinum Subscriber Platinum Subscriber QRZ Page

    I have to ask - why are you afraid to tell her? Are you somehow equating a hobby you are interested in with:

    a) Being previously married and divorced?
    b) Have 5 kids with 5 different mothers?
    c) Have a chronic disesase or STD?
    d) A past criminal record for a federal crime?
    e) Underwent a sex change 5 years ago and you're really a woman?

    It's a hobby you're interested in. Just say it.

    David - K2DSL
  5. WA4TM

    WA4TM Ham Member QRZ Page

    This is a joke, right?????
  6. W6IRE

    W6IRE Guest

    You make it sound so easy. Actually, I equate it with being caught wearing her bra and panties. The humiliation factor would be enormous. I want her to see me as a manly man, someone strong she can rely on. I'm really conflicted.
  7. KI2Y

    KI2Y Guest

    Oh my, there are several ways to handle this...

    1. Make it work FOR you, not against you. Let her walk in on you operating. Act all paranoid, then wisk her into a dark closet. Tell her with mortal despair in your voice that you are a double agent. Tell her that you are very sorry, but now that she found you out, you have to kill her. Then take her to your bedroom and make mad, passionate love to her. Chicks love that stuff. Oh and at some point you should probably mention that "Q" has your Astin Martin in the shop for some "upgrades".

    2. Start talking to her in "Q" codes. More than likely she will assume you have had a stroke, and take pitty on you. You know, like when you are cuddling with her, start mumbling QRO, QRO, QRO to yourself. Or if she's giving you hell for something, just say QRT and walk out of the room.

    3. Show her your DX QSL cards. Chicks dig far off wondrous lands. Tell her that you know these people and you can go visit any time you like.

    4. Explain basic electrical theory and RF propagation to her. But not clinically. Tell a romantic tale of an electron and it's journey across the globe. Or better yet, the stars. Women are emotionally stimulated. If you can characterize it, do it that way.

    But, for the love of God, do NOT take her to a club meeting! That will send her running for the horizon. Ham are a great bunch, but as a group we have an odd appearance. Seriously, is there a single ham that you know that isn't a little "off"? I know I am.

    Yea, that's right, I'm the "Hitch" of ham radio baby. :D

    Thank you for calling the ham radio relationship help desk.
    If you have anymore questions feel free to ask.
  8. W2BBQ

    W2BBQ Ham Member QRZ Page

    Last edited: Dec 21, 2008
  9. K2DSL

    K2DSL Platinum Subscriber Platinum Subscriber QRZ Page

    I guess I'm still not understanding how any hobby would somehow change someone's perception of you as a person.

    I'm a geek - my gorgeous wife fell in love 20 years ago with me despite the fact that computers were something I did professionally and for fun. Ham Radio is no different. It's a hobby that doesn't define anything specific about someone. I got my license just over a year ago and my wife and 2 teenage daughters think it was great and they are anything but geeks.

    What is possibly humiliating (or you think she will find humiliating) about Ham Radio as a hobby?
  10. K8ERV

    K8ERV QRZ Member QRZ Page

    The next morning, never before---

    TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo
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