2035 - Newspaper Headlines

News Headlines for the year 2035.

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally... Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon).

Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being overtaken by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.

Results of 35 year study indicate that Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered as weapons by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.

Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a Voting Machine.

 

Harry, did you just get a new crystal ball, or find an Ouija Board at a flea market? Or are you that time traveller the scientists all saywould be here studying us, if time travel were really possible. That's it, you're a temporal archaeologist. What's it like to kiss a Vulcan girl? Will gold be worth anything after replicators are invented? When will the stock market crash again and what stock should I get?
What? Prime Directive! Aw nuts!!!

I just hope it is not true prophecy.

 

Harry:

You forget that George W. Bush doesn't have a son! The one who runs for President in 2036 would have to be one of his twin daughters (the other one for Vice-President!).

Glen, K9STH

 

Folks, as much as I'd like to take credit for these, I didn't write 'em... they were sent to me by a friend...

STH: My crystal ball says that the Bush's will abopt an Iraqi orphan son, born in 1999, who they will name George Zimbulist Bush...

Any more questions...

oohhhhhh....wait... I feel more coming on....

ahhhhhh yesssss... yessss....

The son will convert the Bush family to the Moslem religion...

whewwww... these sessions are hell....

 

Harry:

You forget that to be President you have to have been born a United States citizen! Unless, of course, the Constitution was amended prior to 2035 to allow the present governor of California to run for President!

Glen, K9STH

 

Well, some people are already talking that to get another Ca. Governor into the White House.

 

STH:

He was born in Iraq of an American mother, who's Iraqi father was killed in a dispute over some camel dung he needed for fuel to warm the baby's goat milk.

The mother left the baby with an American soldier [complete with papers] when she was being cared for by our medical forces after contracting an unknown disease, later identified as spotted-owl plague. She was the first known case and contracted the disease while visiting relatives in Seattle. Her death and the retention of her body parts allowed scientists to finally detect this horrific disease.

GW felt so taken by this boy's story that he adopted the boy as a political move to get back in the White House in 2008. The sympathy vote for him was abundant, but not enough to overcome the sympathy vote for Hillary.

This is tough sledding but I'll go on if anyone wishes...

 

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (K9STH @ May 13 2004,19:43)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Harry:

You forget that George W. Bush doesn't have a son!  The one who runs for President in 2036 would have to be one of his twin daughters (the other one for Vice-President&#33.

Glen, K9STH[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
YEAH!....2 drunks in the White House, might be almost as bad as now!

 

Next time you go back to 2035...can you take me along, and drop me off on June 26, 2027 ? That was when I left to come &quot; back in time &quot; to this primitive society, with these primitive computers... news papers, vhf/uhf tv and these funny little antiquated suv s that most folks are driving these days..I also need to be left at Birmingham, Alabama, next to the Hardees on hwy 31 on the above mentioned date ( which will by the year 2027 be part of a heli-pad ( something like the multi-floor car parking lots you folks have now ) but for mini-helicopters that every one will be flying/driving by the year 2027...we have heli-wrecks then like you folks have car wrecks on the interstates now ( multi-vehicles crashing in the air )... but it does help keep the population down since we have no diseases to mention...and every one dies at age 65 ( lethal injection ) no matter how healthy they are.
Oh yes, morse code will still be required for amateur radio, but total number of active hams will be only 214 million ( down from 215 million a year earlier...too many got to be 65 ) just in the USA .. ...but...if N0PU can not help me, I will just have to stay around until 2010 and then go back ( cant reveal details here...has nothing to do with Mexican UFO s )...lol...

73

---ai4ep---

 

ep:
I KNOW you're making your story up, 'cause I've seen spotted owl plague in 2035 and it was discovered before 2027... therefore disease wasn't wiped out...

HAH... as ole SY would say...
OUT