View Full Version : What is your funniest line?
K8ERV
07-20-2005, 06:30 PM
Ok, since everyone else is doing it, I will start a thread on what is the funniest line you have ever seen, heard, thot of, or?? Please do not apply unless you can beat
"I'm thinking, I'm thinking". http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif
TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo
ab8ma
07-20-2005, 06:32 PM
Plan: to die peaceably in my sleep like my Grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers.
K8ERV
07-20-2005, 06:36 PM
Sorry, you loose the contest
TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo
ab8ma
07-20-2005, 06:42 PM
Guess I'd better not buy any lottery today.
K8ERV
07-20-2005, 06:49 PM
Or any other day----
TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo
ab8ma
07-20-2005, 06:51 PM
Ok, I am taking my toys and going home now.
K8ERV
07-20-2005, 06:54 PM
Thanks for applying, sorry you did not win the Icom 7600
TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo
W5MJL
07-20-2005, 06:54 PM
Quote[/b] (ab8ma @ July 20 2005,13:32)]Plan: to die peaceably in my sleep like my Grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers.
Even though Tom didn't like it, I did. When I first heard that line many years ago it brought a smile to my face for days.
KB9ZLB
07-20-2005, 06:55 PM
The early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!
http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif
K8ERV
07-20-2005, 06:57 PM
I liked it , but you just can't beat Benjamin Kubelsky.
TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo
ab8ma
07-20-2005, 06:58 PM
Quote[/b] (ka5fap @ July 20 2005,11:54)]Quote[/b] (ab8ma @ July 20 2005,13:32)]Plan: to die peaceably in my sleep like my Grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers.
Even though Tom didn't like it, I did. #When I first heard that line many years ago it brought a smile to my face for days.
It's been my Unix .plan file for 20 years.
K8ERV
07-20-2005, 06:58 PM
Quote[/b] (KB9ZLB @ July 20 2005,11:55)]The early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!
http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif
Now that is a contender!!
TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo
WA5KRP
07-20-2005, 06:59 PM
http://www.jasonbentley.org/blog/img/barry_corbin.jpg
One of the funniest lines I ever heard came out of WARGAMES. #As Joshua (the military's super computer) melted down and showed WW-III getting under way, Gen. Jack Beringer (Barry Corbin) let fly,
"Hell, I'd piss on spark plug if I thought it would do any good!"
Still funny after 22 years.
WA5KRP
Texas
K8ERV
07-20-2005, 07:00 PM
Hope it was a platinum plug---
TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo
KB9ZLB
07-20-2005, 07:02 PM
what do we win if we win? http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif
K8ERV
07-20-2005, 07:03 PM
Fred, I hear he cooks good
TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo
w5klb
07-20-2005, 07:07 PM
"I had the right the right to remain silent, I just didn't have the ability"-Ron "Tater Salad" White, on being drunk in pooblic.
Way to go "Tater". http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif
W5MJL
07-20-2005, 07:09 PM
I don't kill flies but I do like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!
W5MJL
07-20-2005, 07:12 PM
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific
w5klb
07-20-2005, 07:14 PM
Quote[/b] (ka5fap @ July 20 2005,12:09)]I don't kill flies but I do like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!
"Time sure is fun when you're having flies"-Kermit the Frog.
W2LYS
07-20-2005, 07:20 PM
Very funny Scotty... now beam down my clothes!
As my dad would say from time to time...
"...I brought you into this world and I can take you out, and make another one that looks just like you!"
W5MJL
07-20-2005, 07:39 PM
SEINFELD
From George's mother while laying in bed in the hospital from a back injury caused by falling down. #She caught George with a Glamour magazine in one hand and you know what in the other, and she collapsed.
He comes to visit her in the hospital and she says "I come home from work and I see you treating your body like an amusement park."
Or, along the same line, Elaine, looking puzzled mutters out,
"It shrinks?"
"I don't know how you guys walk around with those things!"
Priceless!
W5MJL
07-20-2005, 07:51 PM
I still love that show. I have all of the first 4 seasons, and I still watch it in re-runs twice a night. It continues to make me laugh even though I know exactly what is coming.
kl7aj
07-20-2005, 09:00 PM
The man who rides the fence gets nothing but a sore crotch.
wa4brl
07-20-2005, 09:22 PM
"You wait right here, I'll go get warren"
If you saw the Peter Sellers movie "Being There", you get it! http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif
K8ERV
07-20-2005, 09:22 PM
Quote[/b] (kl7aj @ July 20 2005,14:00)]The man who rides the fence gets nothing but a sore crotch.
That's a contender, will put it in the bucket!!!
TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo
ac4ut
07-20-2005, 09:36 PM
UHHH lets see. Womens underwear...not the best thing on earth ,but next to it!
kd5rpo
07-20-2005, 09:39 PM
Honest occifer, ..HICK.., I was too drunk to walk!
K8ERV
07-20-2005, 09:51 PM
Quote[/b] (ac4ut @ July 20 2005,14:36)]UHHH lets see. Womens underwear...not the best thing on earth ,but next to it!
That one goes into the bucket also. Will hold a drawing -lets see, I forget---
TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo
KB9ZLB
07-20-2005, 09:52 PM
oh! i've got another one!
Every 12 seconds, a woman in America is giving birth. That woman must be found and stopped.
K8ERV
07-20-2005, 09:56 PM
New weight-loss program?
WB2WIK
07-20-2005, 09:59 PM
What does a fish think?
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming"
kl7aj
07-20-2005, 10:05 PM
I taught them everything I know, and they're STILL stupid!
http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif
eric
K8ERV
07-20-2005, 10:06 PM
Nah, that (swimming) does not qualify----
TOM K8ERV #Montrose Colo
K8ERV
07-20-2005, 10:08 PM
Oh y es, there is that airplane announcement "nothing can go wrong, can go wrong, can go wrong". Don't want to be on that plane.
TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo
"The face of a child says everything, specially the mouth part."
KF0RT
07-20-2005, 10:45 PM
Every morning, I ask the people I work with:
"So, are you ready for another day of 'living the American dream'?"
Okay, not funny. I'll vote for the Ron White line KLB suggested.
73, Rob
Quote[/b] ]"...in all of my years in public life I have never obstructed justice. People have got to know whether or not their president is a crook. Well, I'm not a crook,"
Richard Nixon several days before being require to pay nearly a half million dollars in back taxes and penalties!
Now, THAT was funny !
gw4rcm
07-20-2005, 11:08 PM
Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you glad to see me
RCM
ac4ut
07-20-2005, 11:10 PM
A line I used on my ex-wife.
"Here I stand darlin,living proof that you can't wish someone to death".
K8ERV
07-20-2005, 11:13 PM
Quote[/b] (N0PU @ July 20 2005,16:05)]Quote[/b] ]"...in all of my years in public life I have never obstructed justice. People have got to know whether or not their president is a crook. Well, I'm not a crook,"
Thatsa keeper!!
TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo
ac4ut
07-20-2005, 11:22 PM
The woodpecker to the tree.
"That's the best piece of Ash I have ever stuck my pecker in".
N0KLT
07-21-2005, 02:03 AM
I am from the Government and I am here to help you.
W5MJL
07-21-2005, 02:17 AM
How about this one.
There are many people that are waiting in the wings to advance the radio art, but they refuse to do so because they are required to learn morse code to get a license.
"Your (fill in the blank) is the most important (blank) that I am currently not working on"
k6pme
07-21-2005, 02:44 AM
I haven't read the whole thread so this might have already have been said....
"I have delivered all of the product, I expect all of the money".
KW4MW
07-21-2005, 02:51 AM
I bought a dog the other day...I named him Stay. It's fun to call him...''Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!'' He went insane. # Steven Wright
Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up. George Burns
A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice. Bill Cosby
Yeah, I know I'm ugly...I said to a bartender, ''Make me a zombie.'' He said ''God beat me to it.'' #Rodney Dangerfield
w5klb
07-21-2005, 06:19 AM
Quote[/b] (ka5fap @ July 20 2005,19:17)]How about this one.
There are many people that are waiting in the wings to advance the radio art, but they refuse to do so because they are required to learn morse code to get a license.
If the FCC has their way, not anymore. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/sad.gif
w5klb
07-21-2005, 06:22 AM
Seen on a doormat:
Wow Nice Underwear! http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif
ab8ma
07-21-2005, 07:20 PM
Quote[/b] (K8ERV @ July 20 2005,11:30)]Ok, since everyone else is doing it, I will start a thread on what is the funniest line #you have ever seen, heard, thot of, or?? #Please do not apply #unless #you can beat
"I'm thinking, I'm thinking". #http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif
TOM K8ERV #Montrose Colo
As my Mama always told me, I am slow but Thourough.
I just realized, this thread is FIXED!! As in we never had a chance. The winner of the 7600 is
TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo
K8ERV
07-21-2005, 07:35 PM
Quote[/b] (ab8ma @ July 21 2005,12:20)]I just realized, this thread is FIXED!! As in we never had a chance. The winner of the 7600 is
me
TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo
ab8ma
07-21-2005, 07:40 PM
See. I was right. That means I am the real winner. Right?
K8ERV
07-21-2005, 07:44 PM
Have you ever been right?
TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo
K8ERV
07-21-2005, 07:45 PM
It is 100F here. I don't have a 7600, don't have any shirt, no pants, no socks, no nuthin. But I am pretty. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif
TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo
ab8ma
07-21-2005, 07:46 PM
"I'm thinking, I'm thinking".
ab8ma
07-21-2005, 07:46 PM
Really bad timing.
K8ERV
07-21-2005, 07:52 PM
It's all in the timing. Benny made a mint by timing. The best.
TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo
KF0RT
07-21-2005, 10:52 PM
Quote[/b] (K8ERV @ July 21 2005,13:45)]It is 100F here. I don't have a 7600, don't have any shirt, no pants, no socks, no nuthin. But I am pretty. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif
Ewww. I'm gonna have to slaughter an animal to get that image out of my head.
BTW, 104 here in the "armpit" of Colorado today (according to the sensor outside the garage). Tied the all-time historical high of 105 yesterday. Hottest day ever recorded in July. But, at least we don't live in Las Vegas.
73, Rob
kf6rdn
07-21-2005, 10:57 PM
Quote[/b] (ab8ma @ July 20 2005,11:58)]Quote[/b] (ka5fap @ July 20 2005,11:54)]Quote[/b] (ab8ma @ July 20 2005,13:32)]Plan: to die peaceably in my sleep like my Grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers.
Even though Tom didn't like it, I did. #When I first heard that line many years ago it brought a smile to my face for days.
It's been my Unix .plan file for 20 years.
Mine used to be, "Gravity doesn't exist, the Earth sucks".
kf6rdn
07-21-2005, 11:13 PM
I posted this once before, but:
I bought a new car radio today its really cool, its voice activated,
I say "rock" and it plays rock!
I say "jazz" and it plays jazz!
I say "disco" and it plays disco!
I say "love" and it plays love songs
As I was driving along intrigued with my new toy, a couple of kids ran out in front of me
and I slammed on my brakes and yelled...
"F*#*&NG KIDS!"....and Michael Jackson started playing...
K8ERV
07-21-2005, 11:20 PM
No boddy actually lives in Las Vegas, they just visit there long enuff to contribute to the local economy, then they get a bit smarter and move on.
TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo
kf6rdn
07-21-2005, 11:21 PM
Quote[/b] (K8ERV @ July 21 2005,16:20)]No boddy actually lives in Las Vegas, they just visit there long enuff to contribute to the local economy, then they #get a bit smarter and move on.
TOM K8ERV #Montrose Colo
All the "boddy's" are in lake Tahoe.
K8ERV
07-21-2005, 11:25 PM
Lake Tahoe? If there are any beautiful naked native ladys there, send me directions from Colorado!!
TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo
I work(if you want to call it that)as a lab tech.in a plant where we produce roofing materials and my personal favorite saying is when someone is complaining about the heat I smile and say:
# Yep,it's hotter than two rats @#$king in a wool sock!
just my personal favorite. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif
W5MJL
07-22-2005, 12:15 AM
Quote[/b] (kf6rdn @ July 21 2005,18:21)]Quote[/b] (K8ERV @ July 21 2005,16:20)]No boddy actually lives in Las Vegas, they just visit there long enuff to contribute to the local economy, then they #get a bit smarter and move on.
TOM K8ERV #Montrose Colo
All the "boddy's" are in lake Tahoe.
KF6RDN, your avatar is FREAKING ME OUT!!!! http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif
KF0RT
07-22-2005, 12:23 AM
Quote[/b] (K8ERV @ July 21 2005,17:25)]Lake Tahoe? If there are any beautiful naked native ladys there, send me directions from Colorado!!
From where you are, might I recommend Lake Powell? http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif It's closer and has been filling back up.
73, Rob
K8ERV
07-22-2005, 12:26 AM
Right, maybe full, but I haven't seen to many naked native ladies there. Still looking tho.
TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo
w2nsf
07-22-2005, 12:48 AM
"...shoot the dog! Shoot the dog!"
http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif
When asked how he liked kids, W.C. Fields replied, "Well done".
K6UEY
07-22-2005, 02:20 AM
The funniest line I have seen in awhile is the post to the topic "impeach Bush" it is so idiotic and juvenile it is #actually funny!! # #http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif #http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif #http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif
KW4MW
07-22-2005, 02:25 AM
My favorite joke of all time has a punch line that I cannot repeat in its entirety here. #
Mickey Mouse is in front of the magistrate. #
Magistrate: #Mr. Mouse, your deposition states that you are divorcing Minnie Mouse on the grounds that she is insane. #Is that correct?
Mickey: #No your honor, I didn't say she was insane, I said that she was ####### #Goofy!
w5klb
07-22-2005, 02:26 AM
Quote[/b] (K8ERV @ July 21 2005,12:45)]It is 100F here. I don't have a 7600, don't have any shirt, no pants, no socks, no nuthin. But I am pretty. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif
TOM K8ERV #Montrose Colo
Too much information OM. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif
KC0KBH
07-22-2005, 12:41 PM
"That's inferior."
kf6rdn
07-22-2005, 01:01 PM
Why does the Braile Institute have windows?
K8ERV
07-22-2005, 01:02 PM
Quote[/b] (w2nsf @ July 21 2005,17:48)]"...shoot the dog! #Shoot the dog!"
http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif
She wouldn't like that!! Besides, she cooks better than my wife (KA8SNH).
TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo
kf6rdn
07-22-2005, 01:03 PM
Quote[/b] (K6UEY @ July 21 2005,19:20)]The funniest line I have seen in awhile is the post to the topic "impeach Bush" it is so idiotic and juvenile it is #actually funny!! # #http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif #http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif #http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif
OMG, you have GOT to be kidding? ? ? ? Now that IS kinda funny, but not really in the way you meant.. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif
Quote[/b] (kf6rdn @ July 22 2005,08:03)]Quote[/b] (K6UEY @ July 21 2005,19:20)]The funniest line I have seen in awhile is the post to the topic "impeach Bush" it is so idiotic and juvenile it is actually funny!! http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif
OMG, you have GOT to be kidding? ? ? ? Now that IS kinda funny, but not really in the way you meant.. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif
Actually, I think it would be hilarious
W5MJL
07-22-2005, 01:44 PM
Quote[/b] (kf6rdn @ July 22 2005,08:01)]Why does the Braile Institute have windows?
Along the same line, why do we have braile on drive through ATM's?
Quote[/b] (ka5fap @ July 22 2005,08:44)]Quote[/b] (kf6rdn @ July 22 2005,08:01)]Why does the Braile Institute have windows?
Along the same line, why do we have braile on drive through ATM's?
That one is too easy...
Because ATM faces are made for multiple uses. That way the manufacturer only has to make a limited number of styles and they can be used in a mall, a store or in a drive thru...
You're not REQUIRED to use the braile... you can ignore it...
KA9VQF
07-22-2005, 03:12 PM
While it may not be particularly funny my favorite saying is:
I have done so much with so little for so long that I am now qualified to do anything with nothing.
KC2ESD
07-22-2005, 11:53 PM
Carrot tops are green, Einstein
Rick KC2ESD the Red one
AB9JV
07-23-2005, 12:21 AM
At work, when someone says, "Hey, come over here, I need to ask you about something"
I always reply with:
"Hey. It was like that when I got there"
KC0NBW
07-23-2005, 02:22 AM
Quote[/b] (N0PU @ July 22 2005,06:50)]Quote[/b] (ka5fap @ July 22 2005,08:44)]Quote[/b] (kf6rdn @ July 22 2005,08:01)]Why does the Braile Institute have windows?
Along the same line, why do we have braile on drive through ATM's?
That one is too easy...
Because ATM faces are made for multiple uses. That way the manufacturer only has to make a limited number of styles and they can be used in a mall, a store or in a drive thru...
You're not REQUIRED to use the braile... you can ignore it...
i was in a fast food restaurant once and i noticed a sign that said''we now have braille menus''.
i asked the individual at my cash register what was the purpose of the sign and she said it was so blind people would know they had braille menus ! http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif
KF0RT
07-23-2005, 02:40 AM
Quote[/b] (K8ERV @ July 21 2005,18:26)]Right, maybe full, but I haven't seen to many naked native ladies there. Still looking tho.
TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo
Hmmm. Define "native."
73, Rob
w4rot
07-23-2005, 03:21 AM
I'm not half as think as you drunk I am.
wa4brl
07-23-2005, 04:25 AM
...but tell me, Two Dogs #&@%ing, what makes you ask?
kb9iou
07-23-2005, 07:46 PM
Used this one before...
"The reason the handcuffs are tight is because they're new.. They'll stretch out after you have worn them awhile..."
w0aew
07-23-2005, 09:49 PM
George Bush firing Karl Rove is like Charlie McCarthy firing Edgar Bergen. --Al Franken
http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif
K6UEY
07-23-2005, 10:01 PM
WA5OES,
Well if it had to do with dummies and puppetts Al Franken would be the one to consult!! http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wow.gif
KW4MW
07-23-2005, 10:04 PM
Good one UEY!
Quote[/b] (WA5OES @ July 23 2005,16:49)]George Bush firing Karl Rove is like Charlie McCarthy firing Edgar Bergen. --Al Franken
http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif
I like that...
Tells the story the way it really is...
NOW..
Who's pulling Rove's strings...
Someone is...You can bet on that...
N8CPA
07-24-2005, 01:21 PM
Quote[/b] (W0LC @ July 20 2005,15:44)]Or, along the same line, Elaine, looking puzzled mutters out,
"It shrinks?" #
"I don't know how you guys walk around with those things!"
Priceless!
The funny part about that was Jerry's answer to the question: #"Like a frightened turtle!"
I also have seasons 1-4. I'm still trying to figure out why those one liners never get old!
N8CPA
07-24-2005, 01:40 PM
Quote[/b] (K6UEY @ July 23 2005,18:01)]WA5OES,
Well if it had to do with dummies and puppetts Al Franken would be the one to consult!! http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wow.gif
All the Als supported Kerry. Al Gore, Al Sharpton, Al Franken, and al-Qaeda.
K8ERV
07-24-2005, 05:04 PM
Who the heck is Al Franken?
TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo
N0KLT
07-25-2005, 12:36 AM
Quote[/b] (K8ERV @ July 24 2005,11:04)]Who the heck is Al Franken?
TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo
An out of work comedy writer with delusions of adequacy
Years ago, in the NY there was a place that taught illiterates to read. To advertise, they placed WRITTEN ads ("Learn to Read!") in the Subways.
KC0NBW
07-25-2005, 04:28 AM
Quote[/b] (K8ERV @ July 24 2005,10:04)]Who the heck is Al Franken?
TOM K8ERV #Montrose Colo
a liberal jacka** that thinks he is funny ! http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif
K8ERV
07-25-2005, 12:03 PM
Quote[/b] (N0KLT @ July 24 2005,17:36)]An out of work comedy writer with delusions of adequacy
Sounds much like me----
TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo