Bill Gates v.s. GM

[KC0UEP]

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and
affection for the way computers have enhanced our
lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX),
Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry
with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up
with technology like the computer industry has, we
would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles
to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued
a press release stating:



If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we
would all be driving cars with the following
characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash
twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road,
you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for
no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the
road, close all of the windows, shut off the car,
restart it, and reopen the windows before you could
continue. For some reason you would simply accept
this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left
turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to
restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the
engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the
sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as
easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of
the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning
lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has
Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before
deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car
would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you
simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key
and grabbed hold of the radio antenna

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers
would have to learn how to drive all over again
because none of the controls would operate in the same
manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the
engine off.

Please share this with your friends who love - but
sometimes hate - their computers!

I found this so funny, I fell out of my chair.
I hope that you find it funny too.

73

[KC0LFV]

I've seen it before, but still really funny!

[W7DJM]

Yes, this is old

If your GM was a Microsoft, occasionally, the windshield would turn completely blue, and all the controlls would just "freeze." Inputs to the steering wheel, brakes, or for that matter, any other control, would have no effect.

[WA5KRP]

Funny is funny no matter how old. Sounds like something Letterman would come up.



WA5KRP
Texas

[K8ERV]

Quote[/b] (W7DJM @ May 10 2005,21:48)]If your GM was a Microsoft, occasionally, the windshield would turn completely blue, and all the controlls would just "freeze." # Inputs to the steering wheel, brakes, or for that matter, any other control, would have no effect.
Hey, you been playing with MY computer?

TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo

[kf6rdn]

Quote[/b] (K8ERV @ May 11 2005,03:12)]Quote[/b] (W7DJM @ May 10 2005,21:48)]If your GM was a Microsoft, occasionally, the windshield would turn completely blue, and all the controlls would just "freeze." # Inputs to the steering wheel, brakes, or for that matter, any other control, would have no effect.
Hey, you been playing with MY computer?

TOM K8ERV #Montrose Colo
No, MY car!

[N7RJD]

They forgot the part about when unveiling a new model it would crash right on the stage.

[KG6YTZ]

"I guess that's why we haven't released it yet." --- Bill Gates. Actual quote. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[KC0LFV]

Quote[/b] (KG6YTZ @ May 10 2005,06:56)]"I guess that's why we haven't released it yet." --- Bill Gates. Actual quote. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif
Wasn't that during the Windows 98 demo?

[KG6YTZ]

It was during a demo of some version of Windows. I'm not sure which one, but THANK GOD the cameras were rolling while The Bill was crowing about the reliability of Windows Whatever and, as if summoned by the hand of fate itself, the dreaded BLUE SCREEN appeared. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

I guess that's why we haven't released it yet... HOTDANGIT, that was funny!!! I bet the clip is still out there somewhere, ripe for the Googling.

If Microsoft made cars, the "installation" of non-Microsoft fuel would void your end-user license agreement to operate the car. The cars would include every conceivable useless feature, all of which would be installed as standard equipment whether you want them or not, and this would be done "to enhance your driving experience." There would be two buttons on the dashboard that apparently do nothing whatsoever. It would be impossible to change your oil; you would simply have to keep installing larger and larger oil pans.

[W5MJL]

I wonder if the guy who set up the demonstration machine continued to work for microsoft after that episode.

[yv6azc]

Additionally, there would be a lot of serious accidents on the highways at 2.5 Ghz speed.

[K7JBQ]

YTZ,

Did Bill Gates design your signature personally?

73,
Bill

[KG6YTZ]

Yes, he did. #It's a beta version of MS Signature Pro 2006, due for release in mid-2007 at the low introductory price of $89.95 for the home edition and $749.95 for the enterprise edition.

KG6-YuTZ? http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/blues.gif

[W2ILP]

I had a laugh when using Microsoft Word to write a newsletter.
I pressed "Help" and then decided that it was no help in answering my question. But a little bug like cartoon character came up on the screen. Actually it started out as a stethescope and turned into a bug which was animated to look like it was watching my Word work. When I completed my work. The bug still couldn't be deleted. It hung around until I started to log off and turned into a bicycle which took of on the rolled up paper that the bug sat on, and gradually disappeared. When I sent the newsletter to the President of the Grumman Amateur Radio Club I dunno if he got the help bug with it or if it got lost when it was transferred as an attachment.
I think they put that bug character there so we would laugh at it and forget the word we really had for Word when we couldn't move something without fracturing everything we worked to write into disconnected areas of unwanted pages with headings and footers that all said page 2 and the wrong date and parts of drawings that were so large that they couldn't be recognized. If I hadn't saved the original format and started all over to write from scratch..I dunno if I ever could have gotten the newsletter back in shape. That help bug saw me through the process by making me laugh instead of cursing Billy Gates for what MS Word was doing to me in a singlular verbal X rated WORD.

http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif
w2ilp (Intruding Little Pictures?)

[kb2vxa]

Hi guys,

LO FREAKIN' L! I saw that a few years ago and had forgotten, two laughs for the price of one.

"They forgot the part about when unveiling a new model it would crash right on the stage."

Matt Groening didn't, Homer's design looked like a cross between an Edsel and '57 Caddy with a touch of the Jetsons car mixed in and went over just as well.

"I pressed "Help" and then decided that it was no help in answering my question. But a little bug like cartoon character came up on the screen. Actually it started out as a stethescope and turned into a bug which was animated to look like it was watching my Word work."

It's called an Easter egg, I'm surprised it showed up when you opened the help file. They're usually activated from the "about" in the drop-down menu and you have to monkey around with the right mouse button to find them. They were fairly common bits that bored software writers included before the bloat set in and now they're's little to no room for them in the programs.

I have a few "software bugs" people have sent to me, cute little creatures doing strange things on the screen and you have to fight with them or restart the computer to make them stop. Just another reason not to open that .exe attatchment in your e-mail. (;->)

[KG6YTZ]

Quote[/b] ]Matt Groening didn't, Homer's design looked like a cross between an Edsel and '57 Caddy with a touch of the Jetsons car mixed in and went over just as well.
Sing along, everybody... "Whether you're going near or far, Powell makes a pow-pow-powerful car." http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

If Microsoft made cars, a group of independent mechanics from around the world would collaborate in the creation a new engine which runs far more reliably than the original, but it would also be much more complicated and only a small percentage of drivers would understand how it works or how to install it.