Great One Liners/Famous Last Words

[W0LC]

I saw some old posts of one liners/famous last words some time back. I think a little levity wouldn't be a bad idea. Here are some of my favorite one liners!

1. Here, hold my beer.
2. Are you sure this thing's safe?
3. Hey, watch this....
4. Nah, I don't need to turn the power off first.
5. I have done this a hundred times.
6. No one will ever know!
7. What's that noise?
8. Is it suppose to do that?
9. I thought you turned it off??
10.Did he get my call?

[K5USS]

11. I'm positive, you don't need guy wires!

[W0LC]

12. Toss that guy wire over the drop line and pull it from there.
13. It's rated for 10 square feet, but I have it loaded to 15 sq feet; we hardly get any wind storms here...
14. These vice grips should hold the winch, go ahead and climb up there...

[W4LTM]

15. What's that smell?

[AA7BQ]

Not a serious ham radio topic.

[KB1GYQ]

Quote[/b] (aa7bq @ Jan. 06 2005,11:54)]Not a serious ham radio topic.
So? This forum was created for general discussion of non-radio stuff. Wasn't it?

[K9STH]

GYQ:

Stop and think what the topic of this thread is!

Glen, K9STH

[KB1GYQ]

Quote[/b] (K9STH @ Jan. 06 2005,12:22)]GYQ:

Stop and think what the topic of this thread is!

Glen, K9STH
Should I take that as a hint? http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

[w3sy]

HAW! That's what ya call a "gotcha."

Famous last words: "Well, I'VE been licensed 42 years, and my 42 years trumps your 34 years."

(chuckle)

[w2wtf]

My two favorites

"Trust me"

"I've only had two beers, I swear"

[N7AAO]

I still like:

"The tower isn't that high."

[w2wtf]

"Flash hoods are for sissies"

followed by 2nd degree burns....

[N7AAO]

"Is it supposed to smoke like that?"

[KW4MW]

Ping Pong balls? I thought you said King Kong balls

[K9STH]

"She said 'shut up' and I thought she said 'stand up'"

Glen, K9STH

[w2wtf]

"I'm positive the polarity is correct"

[KB3LIX]

Overheard many, many years ago when two individuals were trying to jump start a car.....

No, you hook the positive to the negative, and the negative to the positive.
That way you get more voltage !

(said several milliseconds before both cables VAPORIZED)

BTW, I tried to tell them that was WRONG, but I was about 8 years old at the time, and the participants were College students, so guess who was ignored. I could only BUST out laughing and saying "I told you so"


bill # # #KB3LIX http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif #http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif #http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif #http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif #http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

[w2wtf]

"You can't get pregnant the first time" wait, no that was just wrong....lol:laugh:

[KC0NBW]

uh oh!

and

watch out, here it c

[W0LC]

Some funnies that I still like:

Ten Commandments

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse!
You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and
"Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians!
It creates a hostile work environment.

Zero Gravity

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that
ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in
zero gravity, upside-down, on almost any surface including glass and at
temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C. The Russians used a
pencil. Your taxes are due again--enjoy paying them.

Cows

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can
track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where
she sleeps in the state of Washington. And they tracked her calves to their
stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering
around our country.

Our Constitution

"They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we
just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked
for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore."

[W0LC]

Other favorites:

1. #Trust me, I know what I am doing
2. #Quit worrying. #I've done this a thousand times!
3. #Is your antenna suppose to move like that?
4. #Going mobile: #I dropped the mic under the seat, now where is that thing.....
5. #Where's he listening?
6. #Just flip the power on, it's okay.
7. Never seen that before....

[KC9AGG]

this one's ancient: "humility doesn't know itself"

[KC0NBW]

i was in a second hand store one time and i found a real nice handmade copper plaque with the commandments on it, all 9 of them!

i had to buy it!

i have had it hanging on the wall for several years now, people have commented on how nice it is, but not one of them has ever noticed ! http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif

and i aint never gonna tell 'em either! http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif

[k7dlx]

"What! What! Men dodging this way from a single bullet! I am ashamed of you. They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..."


-- Union Major General John Sedwick at Spotsylvania as he tried to motivate soldiers of an artillery battery who were pinned down by Confederate sniper fire. He was shot in the head and killed as he was speaking.

[N7AAO]

"There are no tanks in Baghdad!"

--Baghdad Bob, of course.

[KC0NBW]

standing on the beach in se asia a few days ago--

'wow, i wonder where all the water went?
rover? here rover! damned dog ran off again!"

[gw4rcm]

Never raise your hands to you're kids.
It leaves you're groin unprotected.

Red Buttons

RCM

[KC0NBW]

Quote[/b] (gw4rcm @ Jan. 07 2005,12:45)]Never raise your hands to you're kids.
It leaves you're groin unprotected.

Red Buttons

RCM
that one was much funnier in the original babylonian !http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif

[nx6d]

1. "You get the good legs, don't ya?"- Delta Flight 191 08/02/85. Dallas, TX.

[kl7aj]

Quote[/b] (K5USS @ Jan. 06 2005,08:17)]11. #I'm positive, you don't need guy wires!
REAL MEN don't need voltmeters

[N7AAO]

"What does this red button do?"

[N8CPA]

"Hey! That really hur.."

[KC0NBW]

what grizzl................!

[gw4rcm]

I wonder where the Mother Bear is.?
RCM

[ei5ja]

Quote[/b] (N7AAO @ Jan. 07 2005,12:09)]"There are no tanks in Baghdad!"

--Baghdad Bob, of course.
There are no "you're welcome"s, either.
73 Ed http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/cool.gif

[ei5ja]

"I know what i'm do..ooOOOing!


73 Ed

[N7AAO]

Quote[/b] (ei5ja @ Jan. 07 2005,17:48)]"I know what i'm do..ooOOOing!


73 Ed
That's a good one... LOL!

[KB1GYQ]

Quote[/b] (N7AAO @ Jan. 07 2005,15:09)]"There are no tanks in Baghdad!"

--Baghdad Bob, of course.
I do so miss him! He would make a great late night TV talk show host!

[KB1GYQ]

Quote[/b] (kl7aj @ Jan. 07 2005,17:00)]REAL MEN don't need voltmeters
Nope! Wet fingers do a very good job! I've seen lots of old navy guys do it that way; just remember to hold your hand away from your face, or you will break your nose!

[N7AAO]

Quote[/b] (KB1GYQ @ Jan. 07 2005,18:23)]Quote[/b] (N7AAO @ Jan. 07 2005,15:09)]"There are no tanks in Baghdad!"

--Baghdad Bob, of course.
I do so miss him! He would make a great late night TV talk show host!
I can see it now...

"There are no tanks in Hollywood!"

http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[ka4geh]

Outrun the Bear? I don't have to outrun the Bear, I just have to outrun you!

[KB1GYQ]

http://images.villagevoice.com/issues/0330/sutton.gif

[N7AAO]

Quote[/b] (KB1GYQ @ Jan. 07 2005,19:42)]http://images.villagevoice.com/issues/0330/sutton.gif
Your picture didn't come thru. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/sad.gif

[KB1GYQ]

try http://images.villagevoice.com/issues/0330/sutton.gif directly

[N7AAO]

Quote[/b] (KB1GYQ @ Jan. 07 2005,21:21)]try http://images.villagevoice.com/issues/0330/sutton.gif directly
I get a 403 Forbidden error.

Maybe it doesn't like Firefox?

[KB1GYQ]

http://www.villagevoice.com/news/0330,sutton,45686,9.html

source article containing the image...

<sigh> I have no problems with loading just the gif, and that's with both mozilla and firefox

[N7AAO]

Quote[/b] (KB1GYQ @ Jan. 07 2005,21:39)]http://www.villagevoice.com/news/0330,sutton,45686,9.html

source article containing the image...

<sigh> I have no problems with loading just the gif, and that's with both mozilla and firefox
Works now.

I heard there was a DDOS (Distributed Denial of Service) attack last nite, maybe they were/are using the company that was the target of the attack.

[K8EEI]

" Don't worry about the horse being blind , just load the wagon . " http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

[N7AAO]

"Would you hold my beer while I get out of the car, officer?"

(NO, I have never done that. I don't drink.)

[KC9FJB]

speeding! I thought you wanted to race?

[W0LC]

It's only 100 miles to the next stop, you can hold it!....

[KC9FJB]

having experienced that first hand i just have to laugh. Good one!!

[KA9VQF]

Do NOT try that with women on board!

[w2wtf]

"This taste like ****, here try some"

[KA9VQF]

That one reminds me of when the wife finally decides to clean the fridge.

She constantly holds up a 'science project' and tells me to smell or taste it to see if she should throw it away or not.

[KL7FZ]

Ah, that old Morse Code, who needs it anymore? Darn, the mic broke!
Attention all hands! Iceberg off the starboard bow!


KL7FZ

[KC0NBW]

Quote[/b] (KA9VQF @ Jan. 08 2005,23:55)]That one reminds me of when the wife finally decides to clean the fridge.

She constantly holds up a 'science project' and tells me to smell or taste it to see if she should throw it away or not.
i have a hospital biohazard warning sticker on my refrigerator! http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif

[KB1GYQ]

Quote[/b] (KL7FZ @ Jan. 09 2005,03:40)]Ah, that old Morse Code, who needs it anymore? Darn, the mic broke!
Attention all hands! Iceberg off the starboard bow!


KL7FZ
The Titanic had only Morse available and it didn't seem to help! http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

Btw, an interesting article containing transcripts of the last communications is here (http://www.euronet.nl/users/keesree/radio.htm).

[N7AAO]

"I don't need to stop and ask for directions, I know where I am going."

[KC0NBW]

Quote[/b] (KB1GYQ @ Jan. 09 2005,07:37)]Quote[/b] (KL7FZ @ Jan. 09 2005,03:40)]Ah, that old Morse Code, who needs it anymore? Darn, the mic broke!
#Attention all hands! Iceberg off the starboard bow!


#KL7FZ
The Titanic had only Morse available and it didn't seem to help! #http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

Btw, an interesting article containing transcripts of the last communications is here (http://www.euronet.nl/users/keesree/radio.htm).
it did help, what would the death toll been if they didn't have a radio at all?

another unexplained disappearance!

[KB1GYQ]

Quote[/b] (KC0NBW @ Jan. 09 2005,13:13)]Quote[/b] (KB1GYQ @ Jan. 09 2005,07:37)]Quote[/b] (KL7FZ @ Jan. 09 2005,03:40)]Ah, that old Morse Code, who needs it anymore? Darn, the mic broke!
Attention all hands! Iceberg off the starboard bow!


KL7FZ
The Titanic had only Morse available and it didn't seem to help! http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

Btw, an interesting article containing transcripts of the last communications is here (http://www.euronet.nl/users/keesree/radio.htm).
it did help, what would the death toll been if they didn't have a radio at all?

another unexplained disappearance!
Yes, the radio helped a lot!

A bit of history from the article, relevant to some of the arguements around here...

Quote[/b] ]Marconi Wireless Operators often became snippy in regards to Non-Marconi operators - claiming they were "incompetent" and "didn't know how to use Morse properly" (the United States Navy bore the brunt of such attacks).

It's been going on for centuries!


Jab aside, the article is interesting...

[WA5KRP]

I may be fat, but you're ugly and I'm going on a diet.

--Winston Churchill to Lady Astor

[N7AAO]

Quote[/b] (wa5krp @ Jan. 09 2005,10:55)]I may be fat, but you're ugly and I'm going on a diet.

--Winston Churchill to Lady Astor
Lady Astor: "Sir, if you were my husband, I should put poison in your tea."

Winston Churchill: "Madam, if you were my wife, I should drink it!"

[KC0NBW]

i wonder what cyanide tastes li............ http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif

[K9STH]

NBW:

Almonds.

Glen, K9STH

[N7AAO]

Quote[/b] (K9STH @ Jan. 09 2005,12:12)]NBW:

Almonds.

Glen, K9STH
Well, that's what it smells like to certain people. Not everyone can smell it, tho. But it might taste completely different.

[KC0NBW]

Quote[/b] (K9STH @ Jan. 09 2005,12:12)]NBW:

Almonds.

Glen, K9STH
i posted that as "famous" last words! http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif

do you know it tastes like almonds from personal experience or just rumor ?

i have heard that it smells like bitter almonds, but i don't recall anyone ever saying what it tastes like! http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif

[kz9u]

Give it a try Michael and let us know..

[w2wtf]

Quote[/b] (KC0NBW @ Jan. 09 2005,12:30)]Quote[/b] (K9STH @ Jan. 09 2005,12:12)]NBW:

Almonds.

Glen, K9STH
i posted that as "famous" last words! http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif #http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif

do you know it tastes like almonds from personal experience or just rumor ?

i have heard that it smells like bitter almonds, but i don't recall anyone ever saying what it tastes like! http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif
Almonds contain trace (very trace) amounts of cyanide, hence they smell like almonds. But only 30% of the population can smell it... #Hey that smells like alm...<frothing at the mouth while the bodies cells lose the ability to use oxygen>

Or... Hey this salt tasts a little like alm.......

[K8ERV]

Quote[/b] (KB1GYQ @ Jan. 07 2005,18:25)]Quote[/b] (kl7aj @ Jan. 07 2005,17:00)]REAL MEN don't need voltmeters
Nope! Wet fingers do a very good job! I've seen lots of old navy guys do it that way; just remember to hold your hand away from your face, or you will break your nose!
High voltage needs a longer path than fingers-- better not touch that one!!

TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo

[KW4MW]

Did you hear thunder? Oh well hurry up and putt.

Hell's Angels? Then why are you dressed like one of the Village People?

I folded my parachute myself.

[w2wtf]

"What the hell???"

--Mayor of Nagasaki

[KG4CGC]

This may not quite fit in this thread but I just heard it, "Too many birds on your antenna".
# # # # # # # HAW!

[K8ERV]

Quote[/b] (kg4foy @ Jan. 10 2005,01:18)]"What the hell???"

--Mayor of Nagasaki
Are you sure he spoke English? Or spoke at all--

TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo

[w2wtf]

loose translation.. lol

[KC0NBW]

a tidal wave? it could never happ.......... http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif

also

EARTHQUA...

[kg4kww]

<span style='color:orange'><span style='font-size:13pt;line-height:100%'>I HAVE GAS</span></span>

[kg4kww]

<span style='color:green'><span style='font-size:15pt;line-height:100%'>DADADA,DADA,STIFF JUST SAT UP IN HIS BOX</span></span>

[w2wtf]

Quote[/b] (kg4kww @ Jan. 10 2005,12:40)]<span style='color:green'><span style='font-size:15pt;line-height:100%'>DADADA,DADA,STIFF JUST SAT UP IN HIS BOX</span></span>
Had a stiff begin to sit up in a body bag once, we chuckled the student who was in the back of the ambulance with the body freaked....

[kg4kww]

4FOY a fellow UnderTaker thank goodness.

Was it as good for you as it was for me!!!! http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

[w2wtf]

No a paramedic sometimes we have to transport 'em to the undertaker. (So i guess we're also part time undertakers)


---Yes officer I'm sure he's dead, you only shot him 17 times!!--

[KC0NBW]

i don't care how big you are, or what all those patches on your leather jacket stand for,you still sound like elmer fu.........

[kz9u]

Quote[/b] (KC0NBW @ Jan. 11 2005,01:25)]i don't care how big you are, or what all those patches on your leather jacket stand for,you still sound like elmer fu.........
Here he goes with more of his &quot;Bikers are big dumb and violent&quot; stereotypes..

[KC0NBW]

Quote[/b] (N9KZU @ Jan. 11 2005,06:31)]Quote[/b] (KC0NBW @ Jan. 11 2005,01:25)]i don't care how big you are, or what all those patches on your leather jacket stand for,you still sound like elmer fu.........
Here he goes with more of his &quot;Bikers are big dumb and violent&quot; stereotypes..
http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif