View Full Version : New Laughs
k7dlx
10-27-2004, 10:48 PM
Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
Add your own! Let's keep it non-political. This is just for fun, people. I know I could use a laugh today.
Wow, bad,but it beats code no code or the political stuff. Good post. 73 http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif
kl7aj
12-01-2004, 07:39 PM
"That's the third electric shock I've gotten today!" Tom said, revoltedly.
Eric
K8ERV
12-01-2004, 09:03 PM
No I didn't. It was the fourth shock that got me!!!
TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo
Get the rim shots ready....
1. My antenna's favorite booze? Jim Beam
2. Are you supposed to unwrap the white foam from traps on longwires? Depends.
3. Why did the NCT vote for John Kerry? He didn't want to CW for 4 more years.
4. What do you get if you combine a CBer, and an NCT? Depends what speed you run the blender.
5. Why are there no vertical antennas in California? Because the name "Butter Nut" is already used for another reason.
6. How did the NCT know that $ex with his girfriend was over? She "Roger Beeped".
7. How many CBers can you fit in a kiddie pool? Depends how finely you chop them up.
8. Why did the Amateur bring his rig to lover's lane? He misunderstood and thought they said "Field" Day.
9. Who was the first Radio technician? God. He took a rib from Adam and made a harmonic oscillator.
10. The doppler effect applies to alternate lifestyle electronics. Coming toward you the circuit is called an oscillator, going away from you it's called a Vasil-ator.
KA4DPO
12-02-2004, 02:10 AM
Don't forget the Dopeler effect where really stupid ideas seem much smarter when they come at you rapidly.
My favorite of all time:
Personal ad in Ham Radio Magazine:
"OM seeks XYL with rig and tower.
Send pictures.
.........of rig and tower."
k7kbn
12-02-2004, 05:23 PM
Q: What do you call a freebander in a three-piece suit?
A: The defendant.
...and from an issue of "Arizona Highways" I was glancing through yesterday:
"How hot does it get here in Tucson? We can't tell, cuz the mercury in the thermometers keeps drying out!"
ke4pjw
12-03-2004, 04:04 AM
IRLP Reflectors: Now you can hear people kerchunk repeaters from around the world. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif
kb7aqd
12-03-2004, 06:18 AM
It's true that HF operators have bigger antennas, but Technician class operators do it with ultra-high frequency...
Ham on a telephone: "My telephone is a General Electric model GE-1050A, with a blue six foot cord, green keypad lit with LED's and caller ID. Your signal here is so good, it sounds like we are on a landline...Wait...when I stretch the cord THIS far, how is my signal on your end? Well, gotta go. 73 and QSL via the buro. HI HI HI"
Ham radio nightmare...new BPL service is named "Baxter over Power Lines" No matter where you tune, there HE is!
How do you tell a long-winded ham? He times out on FM simplex.
How do you seperate QRP operators from the crowd at a hamfest? Shout "ALTOIDS tin"...and see who looks up.
Optimism: Calling "CQ DX" on 47 GHz FM.
Technician's revenge...Setting up an IRLP node, using the brand new, really cheap, highly advanced BPL system.
Optimism: Daytime 160M DX net.
Ham who has been inactive for too long: "How do I dip the finals on this newfangled 'HT' gizmo the kids have been talking about?"
Optimism: "How to build an NVIS antenna for six meters"
Optimism: Calling "CQ Marine Mobile" with your six meter capable HT, while floating on a rubber raft in your backyard swimming pool.
73
KB7AQD Robert
KC0NBW
12-04-2004, 11:49 PM
Quote[/b] (kb7aqd @ Dec. 02 2004,23:18)]It's true that HF operators have bigger antennas, but Technician class operators do it with ultra-high frequency...
Ham on a telephone: "My telephone is a General Electric model GE-1050A, with a blue six foot cord, green keypad lit with LED's and caller ID. Your signal here is so good, it sounds like we are on a landline...Wait...when I stretch the cord THIS far, how is my signal on your end? Well, gotta go. 73 and QSL via the buro. HI HI HI"
Ham radio nightmare...new BPL service is named "Baxter over Power Lines" No matter where you tune, there HE is!
How do you tell a long-winded ham? He times out on FM simplex.
How do you seperate QRP operators from the crowd at a hamfest? #Shout "ALTOIDS tin"...and see who looks up.
Optimism: #Calling "CQ DX" on 47 GHz FM.
Technician's revenge...Setting up an IRLP node, using the brand new, really cheap, highly advanced BPL system.
Optimism: Daytime 160M DX net.
Ham who has been inactive for too long: "How do I dip the finals on this newfangled 'HT' gizmo the kids have been talking about?"
Optimism: "How to build an NVIS antenna for six meters"
Optimism: Calling "CQ Marine Mobile" with your six meter capable HT, while floating on a rubber raft in your backyard swimming pool.
73
KB7AQD Robert
pure luck--- calling cq dx on 47 ghz and getting an answer from someone you don't know! http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif
kb7aqd
12-05-2004, 09:03 AM
Times have changed. When I wore an HT back in 1987, strangers approached, and asked, "Are you a cop, store security, or something?" Now they ask, "Where did you get that cellphone?"
Once was experimenting with FM simplex, using an HT at the local park. Two fishermen saw me. One asked if I was a park ranger. I said no. They stared at each other, threw all their tackle into the back of their truck -- and sped off. One said that the "undercover" park rangers were getting sneakier all the time. Wonder if they had a fishing license?
Two paramedics were reviving a ham operator. Seems like the poor chap was working on his linear amp, and got a bad jolt from the B+ supply. As the ham was regaining conciousness, one paramedic asked, "What does 'Life is Too Short For QRP' on your T-shirt mean?"
Had a crystal for a bit above 7100 kHz that tuned up nicely on 28401 kHz with my Hallicrafters HT40 I used as a Novice, but that rig only operated CW or AM -- not SSB. Most operators heard my CW CQ call and answered cheerfully, glad to work a novice with a classic rig. Heard a pileup on 28400 USB, and tried to work an aero mobile station. He angrily replied, "Who is that LID running CW on a 'voice only' frequency. Someone tell me his call." No one answered. He demanded to know my call. After a moment of silence in the pileup, one ham replied, "You passed the test for Morse proficiency to be up here on this frequency. He's sending at 5 wpm....now you tell US his callsign!"
Went to a ham radio meeting when I was 14 years old, and the youngest attendee. When we met at the restaurant, the adult hams were horrified. They told the XYL's they were going to a 'ham meeting', then once at the McDonalds. they would relocate to an 'adult entertainment' venue. Parents had to pick me up at the McDonalds, after the other hams simply abandoned me there!
Attended the W7ASC demonstration station at the Arizona Science Center. One ham who was running the station told me about ham radio, it's science and public safety benefits, and basically went through the whole speech without asking if I was a ham myself. I kept a straight face, looked at all the rigs in confusion, and asked, "How's this different than CB? Do you have 'roger beeps', and can you run the 'funny channels'?" He was not amused -- until I told him my callsign, and offered to volunteer. Put in over 100 hours of volunteer time there. Nice station and people!
Along the same lines, when I was control operator at W7ASC, I experimented with 10M FM simplex, figuring correctly that the distinctive callsign and my location would generate a pileup -- and it did. I began on 29.600 MHz FM, then went to 29.280 MHz FM to work many hams in Japan, New Zealand, Brazil, Hawaii, and Australia. In the noise, after the pileup faded away, I heard a weak call. I turned the beam antenna, and he was still in the noise. When I tuned him in, he replied, "Hey, Science Center station! This is 'Unit 226' from the Caribbean, good buddy -- just got this new CB rig with FM and 'funny channels', and it's bodacious to hear you good buddy..." For the sake of the station license, and my own, I did not answer. Poor guy tried AM, FM, LSB, and USB...and was exasperated I would not answer him.
73
KB7AQD Robert
kb7aqd
12-05-2004, 05:39 PM
At the Science Center, I worked 9Y4Z from Trinidad on 29.600 MHz FM simplex. He was five by nine plus 10dB. We started to chat -- then realized we were on the calling frequency. So, we stood by -- then no one answered. I gave a CQ call -- the special event DX station gave a call -- and no one interrupted!
Two special event stations -- two special callsigns -- and one a DX station -- and we had the calling channel all to ourselves for half an hour, even with us both pausing for calls, and calling CQ on each end. One visitor accused us of not having a "real radio", and we just had another volunteer in the next room on the telephone, pretending he was from the Caribbean.
73
KB7AQD
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