Questions and Answers

[WA6CAW]

Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?

A. So men can remember them.



Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?

A. The bonds mature.



Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?

A. He buys two cases of beer.


Now I know some of you have other questions and answers.

[K8ERV]

What was the question? Sure I can find an answer somewhere!!!!

TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo

[wd5kca]

You have questions....we have blank looks.

[KB1GYQ]

Quote[/b] (wd5kca @ Sep. 16 2004,21:59)]You have questions....we have blank looks.
Wait a minute, where's the cell phones?

[WA6CAW]

What do lawyers use for birth control?
- Their personalities.

What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
- A tick falls off of you when you die.

Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
- To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.

What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
- Not enough sand.

What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road?
- There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
- A Doberman.

What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
- One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
- They had pictures of lawyers on them ...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Lawyer's creed:
- A man is innocent until proven broke.

What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
- Lipstick.

What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane?
- Skeet.

What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
- Chelsea Clinton

It was so cold last winter ... (How cold was it?)
- I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates.
"$50.00 for three questions", replied the lawyer.
"Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man.
"Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"

You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
- You shoot the lawyer. Twice.

A lawyer was walking down the street and saw an auto accident. He rushed over, started handing out business cards, and said, "I saw the whole thing. I'll take either side."

[WA6CAW]

Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the MandM factory?
A: For throwing out the W's!

Q: What do you call a blonde that dyes her hair brunette?
A: Artificial intellegence

Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe!

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio?
A: It took her 2 weeks to figure out that you could play it at night!

Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold!

Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it!

Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture!

Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A: Reservations!

Q: What do you get when you put 20 blonde's ear to ear?
A: A WIND TUNNEL!

Q: What do you call a blonde behind the steering wheel?
A: An airbag.

Q: What was the blonde doing up in the tree?
A: She was raking leaves.

Q: How can you tell a blonde has been in the bathroom?
A: There is make-up all over the mirror

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A: You pick it up, pull the pin, and throw it back!!!

Q: Why can't blondes make kool-aid?
A: They don't understand how to get the 2 quarts of water into the little package.

[WA6CAW]

Support: "Hello, Technical Support; may I help you?"
Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

S: "What sort of trouble?"
C: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

S: "Went away?"
C: "They disappeared."

S: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
C: "Nothing."

S: "Nothing?"
C: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

S: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
C: "How do I tell?"

S: "Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"
C: "What's a sea-prompt?"

S: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
C: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

S: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
C: "What's a monitor?"

S: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
C: "I don't know."

S: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
C: "Yes, I think so."

S: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
C: "Yes, it is."

S: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
C: "No."

S: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
C: "Okay, here it is."

S: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
C: "I can't reach."

S: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
C: "No."

S: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
C: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."

S: "Dark?"
C: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

S: "Well, turn on the office light then."
C: "I can't."

S: "No? Why not?"
C: "Because there's a power outage."

S: "A power?!? A *power* outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
C: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

S: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
C: "Really? Is it that bad?"

S: "Oh, yes, I'm afraid it is."
C: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

S: "Tell them you're just too darn stupid to own a computer."

[KI4FVX]

Now THATS a keeper...........too funny.

[K9STH]

FVX:

The only thing is that it is a true story! The customer service representative who was involved was fired after the person who made the call complained.

Then there are the multiple stories of people calling customer service about their broken cup holders! They just don't understand about CDROM drives!

Glen, K9STH

[KB1GYQ]

You can never underestimate the stupidity of the American public.

[KD5KUF]

What about the lady at an old established law firm who got a new computer to replace her old worn out clanky typewriter. She carefully unboxed everthing and plugged all the cords into the power strip/surge protector, but it wouldn't come on. Had her stumped. (Hint: ALLLLLL the cords....including the power strip's own plug.) http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

[WA6CAW]

I had this conversation recently with a lady who swore she had been using computers since forever.


Tech Support: "All right. Now click 'OK'."
Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
Tech Support: "Yes, click 'OK'."
Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
Tech Support: "That's right. Click 'OK'."
Customer: "So I click 'OK', right?"
Tech Support: "Right. Click 'OK'."

Pause.

Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."
Tech Support: "YOU CLICKED 'CANCEL'http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/rock.gif"
Customer: "That's what I was supposed to do, right?"
Tech Support: "No, you were supposed to click 'OK'."
Customer: "I thought you said to click 'Cancel'."
Tech Support: "NO. I said to click 'OK'."
Customer: "Oh."
Tech Support: "Now we have to start over."
Customer: "Why?"
Tech Support: "Because you clicked 'Cancel'."
Customer: "Wasn't I supposed to click 'Cancel'?"
Tech Support: "No. Forget that. Let's start from the top."
Customer: "Ok."


I spent the next fifteen minutes re-constructing the carefully crafted setup for this lady's unique computer.


Tech Support: "All right. Now, are you ready to click 'OK'?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "Great. Now click 'OK'."


Pause.


Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."


And people wonder why my mouse pad has a target on it labeled "BANG HEAD HERE."

[ai4ep]

as they say..." a computer is only as wise as the operator ".

[N0KLT]

Quote[/b] (WA6CAW @ Sep. 18 2004,18:53)]I had this conversation recently with a lady who swore she had been using computers since forever.


Tech Support: "All right. Now click 'OK'."
Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
Tech Support: "Yes, click 'OK'."
Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
Tech Support: "That's right. Click 'OK'."
Customer: "So I click 'OK', right?"
Tech Support: "Right. Click 'OK'."

Pause.

Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."
Tech Support: "YOU CLICKED 'CANCEL'http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/rock.gif"
Customer: "That's what I was supposed to do, right?"
Tech Support: "No, you were supposed to click 'OK'."
Customer: "I thought you said to click 'Cancel'."
Tech Support: "NO. I said to click 'OK'."
Customer: "Oh."
Tech Support: "Now we have to start over."
Customer: "Why?"
Tech Support: "Because you clicked 'Cancel'."
Customer: "Wasn't I supposed to click 'Cancel'?"
Tech Support: "No. Forget that. Let's start from the top."
Customer: "Ok."


I spent the next fifteen minutes re-constructing the carefully crafted setup for this lady's unique computer.


Tech Support: "All right. Now, are you ready to click 'OK'?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "Great. Now click 'OK'."


Pause.


Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."


And people wonder why my mouse pad has a target on it labeled "BANG HEAD HERE."
I think I worked a few cubicles down from her. In our shop, she was a project analyst, which meant she didn't do much real programming and only had the responsiblity of dealing with the folks needing the program changes or the program writen and then after the meeting to determine what they needed, she drew up unrealistic and unreasonable estimates and project specifications. After we got those from her, we recontected the requestors, found out what they really wanted and wrote the programs as they wanted and needed them. First of course we had to reassure them the programmers actually knew what we were doing and that she was harmless esp if left alone and not gotten into the loop until time for project aceptance, when she could obtain signoff from them, take it to the bosses and get all sorts of praise from management as such an shining example of precision and quality specs writing. Left to herself she literally had problems turning on her terminal accessing the software and applications she needed to function.

It's a great life if you don't weaken

73

Gary NØKLT