View Full Version : Favorite sayings,  New Thread

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12-24-2003, 09:22 AM
Since Glen says this forum is open to any subject, I would like to start a thread on your favorite saying. I will start it off with:

Always drink upstream from the herd.



12-24-2003, 09:32 AM
one of my favorites is " You can lead a smart ass to school but you can't make him learn "......... http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/confused.gif

12-24-2003, 09:48 AM
I would rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

12-24-2003, 10:08 AM
Sometimes I wake up grumpy.. But most of the time, I just let her sleep..


12-24-2003, 10:42 AM
I'm a lesbian trapped in a mans body!!!

12-24-2003, 11:10 AM
my favorite one from growing up was...


and that was my mothers line..


12-24-2003, 12:18 PM
Twenty-five years ago I met Ms. Right....but I didn't know at that time that her first name was Always.

12-24-2003, 12:43 PM
If it ain't broke, fix it until it is!

12-24-2003, 01:00 PM
And these are my own:

Laugh, and the world laughs with you; cry, and the world laughs at you.

And apropos to the season: "Bottoms up" does not mean show your @$$. Drink responsibly.


12-24-2003, 01:14 PM
1. No good deed goes unpunished.

2. The early worm gets the bird.

12-24-2003, 01:51 PM
That's a long way from the heart, you're gonna live.


That's gonna leave a mark.

12-24-2003, 02:34 PM
You snooze you lose.
that just came to me after kc9eci posted one my all time favorites "That's gonna leave a mark" Happy Holidays W9SIX

12-24-2003, 03:02 PM
You say you feel fine? You'll get over it


12-24-2003, 03:22 PM
"Thus far artificial intelligence has not been found to be a suitable substitute for natural intelligence."

"The over-riding effect of faster computers is to allow one to make more and more errors per second."

12-24-2003, 03:43 PM
YOU HAVE A BETTER CHANCE OF SANDPAPERING A BOBCAT'S ASS IN A PHONE BOOTH THAN TO,,,,,,(you can insert any task here) pass that extra exam http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

12-24-2003, 04:53 PM
I remembered another one. Had a friend, who, when someone said " have a good day", replied " thanks,but I have other plans". Neat. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif


12-24-2003, 05:27 PM
The hurrier I go, The behinder I get.

12-24-2003, 05:57 PM
Make sure your autobiography is the thickest book on the shelf.

Ben, N1NP

12-24-2003, 06:00 PM
this goes to my "other hobby"... but...

1) it is best judged by 12 than carried by 6.

2) if you must shoot, do a good job, you only want to hear one story.

Then there are some "all round" sayings that fit most of the time;

3) You will get over it

4) life is a bitch then you die.


4a) life is a bitch, but there is always divorce court.

12-24-2003, 06:49 PM
Some of your best friends, aren't.

Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before," … "He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way.
Kurt Vonnegut </quotes/Kurt_Vonnegut/> (1922 - ), "Cat's Cradle"

There's no such thing as a free lunch.
Milton Friedman </quotes/authors/m/a130283.html>

If we believe a thing to be bad, and if we have a right to prevent it, it is our duty to try to prevent it and damn the consequences.
Lord Milner

If it's a good idea, go ahead and do it. It's much easier to apologize than it is to get permission.
Rear Adm Grace Murray Hopper

Very few things happen at the right time, and the rest do not happen at all. The conscientious historian will correct these defects.

12-24-2003, 06:50 PM
"Although the moon is only one-sixth the size of the earth, it is much farther away."

12-24-2003, 07:05 PM
"The Smoker You Drink, the Player You Get"........Joe Walsh/WB6ACU http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

12-24-2003, 07:19 PM
....Pity the man who does not drink. He will feel the same all day.
# # # # # # # # # # # #Anon http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wow.gif

12-24-2003, 07:47 PM
Learn from the mistakes of others; you won't live long enough to make them all yourself.

Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

I don't get even, I get odder.

I have kleptomania, but when it gets really bad, I take something for it.

Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

12-24-2003, 09:56 PM
If brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.

When they were handing out brains, you thought they said trains and said you weren't going anywhere.

I thinks these were my Dad's favorite.

He is now 82 y.o. and can still copy 40 wpm.

KC8TVW - Toledo

12-24-2003, 10:06 PM
Here is my favorite: A radio uses smoke to work. How do I know? Because when the smoke comes out of it, it does'nt work anymore!

12-24-2003, 10:15 PM
My favourite in the workshop:

When you have a fault which you cant fix, hit the thing with a hammer and make a fault you can fix.


12-24-2003, 11:30 PM
"He who dies with the most toys wins"

12-25-2003, 01:05 AM
"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese"

12-25-2003, 01:33 AM
" You can observe alot just by watching."

" You should always go to other peoples funerals, otherwise, they won't come to yours."

" 80 percent of the balls that don't reach the hole, don't go in."

" Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical."

" It gets late early out here"

and anything else that Yogi Berra ever said, including " I never said most of the things I said."

What a fun topic!

12-25-2003, 04:32 AM
From my cynical list:

1) No good deed goes unpunished (sorry, I know it's a repeat)

2) Every silver lining surrounds a cloud

3) If it's inevitable, you might as well sit back and enjoy it. (also known as BOHICA -- Bend Over, Here It Comes Again)

12-25-2003, 05:18 AM
This is from W5BQU.

"May you live as long as you want, and not want as long as you live"

This I read somewhere.

"Hard work pays off in the end, but being lazy is paying off right now"

73 AB3BK

12-25-2003, 05:58 AM
This first one, W3SY beat me to using here on the boards. I used it every day...

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">W3SY keys up on a channel and says:
Good day to you.[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>


</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Out.[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>

Also, this timeless one, author unknown...

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Never explain anything your friends haven&#39;t asked you. Your enemies will never believe you anyways.[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>

This next one is a sound, a very vivid memory of most of our childhoods.

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Shwhip-pip-pip-pip-pip&#33;[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
Otherwise known as the sound of a father&#39;s belt being pulled through his belt-loops at a high rate of speed. #http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wow.gif

12-25-2003, 06:25 AM
Look, I just ask you &quot;What is the time&quot; ? Why are you telling how the clock was made?

12-25-2003, 10:47 AM
I think that is &quot; he who dies with the most toys still dies&quot;. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/confused.gif


12-25-2003, 11:43 AM
My Favorite:

The more I know, the more I know how much more I don&#39;t know.

12-25-2003, 12:07 PM
This one &quot;slipped by me&quot;&#33; It doesn&#39;t belong in the Questions &amp; Answers forum but in the Talk &amp; Opinions forum. Thus, I have moved it&#33;

Glen, K9STH
One of the QRZ.com moderators

12-25-2003, 12:29 PM
An egotist is a person of very poor taste, more interested in himself than in me.

12-25-2003, 01:19 PM
I cut it twice, and the dagum thing is still too short&#33;

12-25-2003, 03:04 PM
...I am going to live forever; so far so good ...( copied from N4AKW )

12-25-2003, 03:11 PM
...&quot; It is easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. If you ask for permission, they might say NO. But if you do not ask for permission and do it, and get in trouble for it, you can always ask for forgiveness. So do it any way. &quot; ......and another one is ..... &quot;I hate it when folks lie to me, and I hate it worse when I catch them at it. &quot; ..... and another one is ... &quot; you reap what you sow &quot; ( i think something similer to this one was mentioned earlier ). http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/confused.gif ..... and another one is ....&quot; if you use bunk beds make sure the bed wetter is closest to the floor &quot;.

12-25-2003, 04:22 PM
&quot;Just be glad your not as old as you look&quot;

&quot;A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part&quot;

&quot;Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.........&quot;

12-25-2003, 05:48 PM
1. You&#39;re living proof, there were no lifeguards at the gene pool.

2. Looking at you, I know somewhere a villiage is missing it&#39;s idiot.

12-25-2003, 07:04 PM
&quot; If BS was electricity , you&#39;d be a walkin&#39; - talkin &#39; #dynamo . &quot; # http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

12-25-2003, 07:13 PM
1. character doesn&#39;t matter

2. it depends on how you define &quot;alone&quot;

3. it depends on what the meaning of the word &#39;is&#39; is.

more at www.gargaro.com/clintonquotes.html

12-25-2003, 10:07 PM
&quot;air goes in and out blood goes round and round, any deviation on this is a bad thing.&quot;
&quot;all bleeding stops, eventually&quot;
&quot;F**ked up as a soup sandwich&quot;
&quot;Useless as a one legged man at an a** kicking contest&quot;

12-25-2003, 11:00 PM
If voting were really effective, it would be illegal.

12-25-2003, 11:29 PM
</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">If ignorance is bliss, wipe the smile off of my face.

-Zach De La Rocha[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>

12-26-2003, 12:02 AM
Tnx Glen, I realized I put it in the wrong forum but did not know how to correct it. Sure getting some interesting replies tho-- Tom

12-26-2003, 02:12 AM
Not into repeating my-self, mine is my signature.
73&#39; and Merry Christmas&#33;
John C.

12-26-2003, 03:55 AM

Some personal favorites, not all of which I know the attribution for:

The rich get richer, and the poor get prison. Roberta Drew, public defender

Life&#39;s a beach, and we&#39;re her puppies. Me

I&#39;d like to help you out. Which way did you come in? (T-shirt)

Normal people make me nervous. (T-shirt)

Technology is invented, deployed, obsolete, documented, and understood; in that order. Me (paraphrasing a quote I can no longer fine.)

No experiment is a failure. If a man discontinues his research after an experiment, it is the man who is the failure. Alexander Graham Bell

There are no facts, only interpretations. Nietsczhe

Always say Yes to adventure. Ruth Bernhard

If we&#39;d known it was impossible, it would have taken us longer to do it. Me, describing how NASA once worked.

Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth. ?

Art is anything you can get away with. Marshall Macluhan

A photograph is a secret about a secret. The more it tells you the less you know. Diane Arbus

Never express yourself more clearly than you think. Neils Bohr

If you are not willing to see more than is visible, you won&#39;t see anything. Ruth Bernhard

Jamie wants big boom now. Jamie Heynman (sp?) on Myth Busters

The camera is an instrument that teaches people how to see without a camera. Dorothea Lange

More Oscar Wilde quotes than would fit on this page.

Various comments from Thomas Jefferson, many of which I&#39;ve quoted elsewhere on these boards.

Science is what we understand well enough to explain to a computer. Art is everything else we do. Donald Knuth

Art washes from the soul the dust of everyday life.
-Pablo Picasso

That&#39;s enough for now. When I find something striking while I&#39;m reading, I write it down. I used to have software that would randomly pick a quote from my file and use it as my signature. That was fun.

12-26-2003, 03:58 AM
&quot;The irony of the Information Age is that it has given new respectability to uninformed opinion.&quot; - John Lawton

If 2000 people do a stupid thing, it is still a stupid thing.

&quot;The difference between theory and practice, in theory, is less than the difference between theory and practice, in practice.&quot;

&quot;Some choices are wrong.&quot;

Chris, AC5R

12-26-2003, 04:32 AM
Constants are rarely, facts are seldom, and standards are practice...
K8YS 2003 http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

12-26-2003, 04:52 AM
</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">He knows when you are sleeping...
He knows when you&#39;re awake...
He knows when you&#39;ve been bad or good...

--Donald Rumsfeld[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>

Sorry, had to add that one. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

12-26-2003, 09:14 AM
On a young girl&#39;s T-Shirt: My body belongs to me, but I do share--- http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

And my fav of all time, &quot; In this world there are things that can be done, and there are things that cannot be done. There are even ways of doing the things that cannot be done&quot;. I think by Peter Ustinov.


12-26-2003, 12:31 PM
&quot;The more you drive, the less intelligent you are&quot; -Miller from &quot;Repo Man&quot;

&quot;A thousand points of light, and we got the dim one&quot;


12-26-2003, 01:26 PM
&quot;For every complex question, there is a simple answer. And it is wrong.&quot; H.L. Mencken

12-26-2003, 02:20 PM
&quot;Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before. He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way&quot;.
This fully explains the &quot;Code/NoCode debate. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

12-26-2003, 03:58 PM
When talking aboout news.....

&quot;its always worse than the first reports lead you to believe&quot;.

For an impossible task......

&quot;Its like trying to herd cats&quot;.

For a newly elected Governor or Mayor who has pledged tax reduction....

&quot;Well we took a hard look and the fiscal reality is that the mess is worse than we thought&quot;.


&quot;We need to think about modernizing our tax system.... my new tax plan will be revenue neutral&quot;.

Seasons Greetings

&quot;Well I thought I checked to see if the door was locked before we left&quot;.

12-26-2003, 04:08 PM
</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (ka4geh @ Dec. 24 2003,13:49)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">There&#39;s no such thing as a free lunch.
Milton Friedman &lt;/quotes/authors/m/a130283.html&gt;[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
Robert A. Heinlein coined that phrase in his own literary style and put it to use, but he may not have been the originator.

TANSTAAFL- There ain&#39;t no such thing as a free lunch&#33; The Motto of the colonists on the moon. See &quot;The Moon is a Harsh Mistress&quot;, a classic of sci-fi literature. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

12-26-2003, 04:18 PM
I have a couple of them that I would like to share:

&quot;Your @ss sucks canal water&quot; (my father-in-laws favorite too);

&quot;And&quot; (in a long, drawn out, sarcastic fashion, usually works best when someone is complaining about something you did/didn&#39;t do);

**And my ALL TIME favorite (and I don&#39;t know why)**

&quot;If the good Lord had intended us to walk, he wouldn&#39;t have invented roller skate&#33;&quot; #Mr. Willy Wonka, c.1971


12-26-2003, 04:20 PM
Oh, I almost forgot one:

&quot;I used to be schizophrenic, but we are fine now http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif #&quot; #http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

12-26-2003, 04:33 PM
I may make a sign, put it on a trailer. Back it up to the window near certain booths in certain restaurants where certain crowds hang out:

&quot;Intelligent people talk about ideas;

Average people talk abou things;

Stupid people talk about people&quot;

12-26-2003, 04:45 PM
Never attribute to malice what can be attributed to stupidity.

--Widely circulated saying within IBM

12-26-2003, 04:55 PM
On studying (code, physics, or anything else):

The more you study, the more you know.
The more you know, the more you can forget.
The more you can forget, the more you do forget.
The more you forget, the less you know.
So why study? http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

My explanation for why I never took books home back in high school. IF you understand what you read, then repetitive cramming just makes your brain tired. It was enough to get a certain teacher off my back anyway. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

And then there is the immortal line from a Bellamy brothers song, that became the hit pick up line of its time.
&quot;If I said you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?&quot;

12-26-2003, 05:08 PM
&quot;I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.&quot;
- Edward Everette Hale

&quot;The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.&quot; - Albert Einstein

&quot;They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.&quot; - Ben Franklin, ~1784

&quot;Gun bans don&#39;t disarm criminals, gun bans attract them.&quot; -- Walter Mondale, U.S. Ambassador to Japan, 4/20/94

What is ominous is the ease with which some people go from saying that they don&#39;t like something to saying that the government should forbid it. When you go down that road, don&#39;t expect freedom to survive very long. -- Thomas Sowell

&quot;Rifles are inanimate objects that have no will of their own. As such,
they may be used by evil men for evil purposes. While an evil man may
not be persuaded by propaganda, he may certainly be corrected by good
men with rifles.&quot; -Col. Jeff Cooper, USMC Ret.

&quot;Arms discourage and keep the invader and plunderer in awe, and preserve order in the world as well as property . . . Horrid mischief would ensue were the law-abiding deprived of the use of them.&quot; ~~ Thomas Paine, Thoughts on Defensive War (1775).

&quot;The right of citizens to bear arms is just one more guarantee against arbitrary government, one more safeguard against tyranny, which though now appears remote in America, history has proven to be always possible.&quot; ~~ Senator Hubert H. Humphrey

12-26-2003, 07:32 PM
&quot;I still miss my ex-wife...

&quot;But my aim is improving.&quot;

12-26-2003, 08:18 PM
You get the award for the best reply&#33;&#33; http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif


12-26-2003, 09:03 PM
&quot;Those who can, do

Those who can&#39;t do, teach

Those who can&#39;t teach, consult&quot;


12-27-2003, 03:02 AM
Idiots, a__holes and incompetents.

My feeling towards 90% of the drivers in King County, WA..

12-27-2003, 04:42 AM
</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (k7kbn @ Dec. 24 2003,11:50)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">&quot;Although the moon is only one-sixth the size of the earth, it is much farther away.&quot;[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
Did Yogi Berra say that?

12-27-2003, 08:28 AM
&quot;Everyone is entitled to my opinion.&quot;

&quot;I may be wrong, but I am never in doubt.&quot;

12-27-2003, 11:46 AM
http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wow.gif #&quot;I did NOT have sexual relations with that woman.&quot; #as said by the great Billy Jeff Clinton. # http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

12-27-2003, 12:10 PM
I have this one up in my ham shack,
&quot;Regulation, does not make up for lack of enlightenment.&quot;
Thomas Jefferson

12-27-2003, 12:56 PM
&quot;Beer is proof that God loves us, and wants us to be happy.&quot;
-Benjamin Franklin

12-27-2003, 01:13 PM
Old Ben was a good guy, too bad he is not around to contribute to these forums-- http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/confused.gif


12-27-2003, 01:20 PM
Aside to Tom:

Been meaning to tell you. I ran into Vanna over the T-day weekend (she frequently comes home to SC for holidays). She asked about you.

But, don&#39;t worry. I told her you are still happily married. She said to tell you if you ever change your mind . . .

12-27-2003, 04:44 PM
Sometimes, the filter on the gene pool needs to be cleaned.

12-27-2003, 07:20 PM
FA: Tell VANNA I changed my mind, in her favor&#33;&#33; http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif


12-27-2003, 09:36 PM
Okay, but you&#39;ll have to remind me. She said she wouldn&#39;t be back this way til Easter.

12-27-2003, 10:11 PM
Only dead fish go with the flow.

I didn&#39;t have time for college, I was too busy learning things.

Expert on nothing, opinions on everything.

If &quot;ifs&quot; and &quot;buts&quot; were candy and nuts, we&#39;d all have a nice Christmas.

....reliable as a collapsible bedpan.

12-27-2003, 10:27 PM
I was only wrong once in my life. That was one time when I thought I was, and I wasn&#39;t.

Had problems with both wives, first one left, second one wouldn&#39;t.

12-28-2003, 05:18 AM
Old racer&#39;s saying.......

The older I get, the faster I was...


12-28-2003, 10:16 AM
GAS RE: collapsable bedpan.

Once on a camp trip I was sitting on one of the folding potties with a plastic bag, and it collapsed, with me in it. My family was laughing too hard to help me clean up.



12-28-2003, 03:31 PM
</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (K8ERV @ Dec. 28 2003,05:16)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">GAS RE: collapsable bedpan.

Once on a camp trip I was sitting on one of the folding potties with a plastic bag, and it collapsed, with me in it. My family was laughing too hard to help me clean up.


TOM K8ERV[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
Tom, thanks for the laugh. I needed it.

12-28-2003, 04:50 PM
... the devil made me do it &#33;&#33; ... (Flip Wilson...around 1970 )

12-28-2003, 07:00 PM
Outside show is a poor substitute for inner worth. Aesop. Or as the old man used to say, he&#39;s got a &#036;1000 suit and no underwear.

I would never own a car I couldn&#39;t push.

Dick Cheney has the best job in the whole country. All he has to do is get up every morning and ask, &quot;How&#39;s the President?&quot;

ERV- Was that what they call a Kodak moment?

12-28-2003, 10:35 PM
It would have been a Kodak Moment if the family were not laughing so hard they could not take a pix. Actually, I might have a pix of it. But it would buried in the sh--.


12-28-2003, 10:38 PM
this a little off beat but its my favorite.( its one thing to spoon feed me sh-t,its another to shove it down my throat). works for me http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

12-28-2003, 10:40 PM
and heres another(just cuz you don&#39;t like it,doesn&#39;t mean that I&#39;m wrong).

12-29-2003, 03:25 AM
Only two things are infinite; the universe and human stupidity, and I am not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

Babe Ruth struck out 1,330 times. Quitters never win.

There are 10 types of people in the world: those that understand binary and those that don&#39;t.

Time flies like an arrow... fruit flies like a banana. -Groucho

12-29-2003, 03:48 AM
It&#39;s better to be pissed off, than to be pissed on. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wow.gif
I just love that one.

Here&#39;s another: I can only please one person per day, and today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

12-29-2003, 10:00 AM
A few more:

Salesmen are welcome, dog food is expensive

Sign: Planned Parenthood Association, Entrance in Rear.

Make it as simple as possible, but no simpler (Einstein).

Bargain Basement Sale is Upstairs

Toilet is not working, please use floor below.

Bulletin board for ACE Hardware: Need a good screw? (Probably a fake).


12-29-2003, 06:05 PM
Having a new baby, and FIVE dogs, I made a sign that is posted at the front door, over the door bell, that says:






When someone does ring the bell, and the dogs go nuts barking, I greet the person at the door with &quot;GUYS, DINNER IS HERE&quot;... http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

12-29-2003, 06:10 PM
1. #You show me a person who is responsible for his own happyness and I&#39;ll show you a person who doesn&#39;t care about anyone else but themselve. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/mad.gif

2. #Always tell the truth -- it&#39;s easier to remember what you said. # http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

3. #There are three kinds of people, those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened&#33; # http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wow.gif

4. #Stress is what the body feels when the mind over-rides the bodies desire to choke the crap out of some butthead who desperately needs it&#33; http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/sad.gif

12-29-2003, 06:21 PM
Here&#39;s an old one from my days with the Strategic Air Command (SAC)

&quot;To error is human but it is SAC&#39;s policy not to forgive&#33;&quot;

USAF Keg Party, 1978

12-29-2003, 06:35 PM
Always remember that you are unique......just like everyone else.

12-29-2003, 06:41 PM
Not quite sure where I fit in there-----


12-29-2003, 10:32 PM
I started out with absolutely nothing, and still have most of it left.

12-30-2003, 12:43 AM
http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif #Don&#39;t worry about the horse being blind ......just load the wagon .

# I heard # John &quot;Mad dog &quot; #Madden say that .

# Ignorance is bliss . That might be a repeat , but I like it . #http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

# Did anyone quote Forrest Gump yet , Bubba ? :

# Stupid is as stupid does . (Momma always said that )

#WBBD #(phonetically ; what would Bubba do ? )

Happy New Year , Gentlemen &amp; Ladies .

12-30-2003, 12:45 AM
http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/sad.gif Oops ... I meant WWBD .

Over ?

12-30-2003, 04:10 AM
Why isn&#39;t &quot;phonetic&quot; spelled the way it sounds?

Life is sexually transmitted.

12-30-2003, 03:37 PM
Those that have two turn one in..those that have none draw one&#33; http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

12-30-2003, 08:43 PM
I heard what you said, just can&#39;t believe it&#33;

12-30-2003, 08:46 PM
You can do anything you put you&#39;re mind to......providing you engage that gray matter between your ears first&#33;

12-30-2003, 09:01 PM
No1..ITS LIKE TRYIN TO POKE BUTTER UP A PORCUPINES@SS WITH A HOT NEDDLE..........No2 ..when you have to pay someonewhat you o em and your skint,use these words...YOU CANT TAKE KNICKERS OFF A BARE @SS .......No3....HE WOULD STEAL THE REINS OFF A NIGHTMARE....No4....HES GOT A FACE LIKE A BURST SOFA....&#33;&#33;&#33;

12-30-2003, 09:13 PM
You&#39;re dummer than a box of hammers.

(Not you M3TMW) http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

12-31-2003, 02:11 AM
When you hot , you hot . (Jerry Reed )

Put all the money in and let&#39;s roll &#39;em again . (Jerry Reed )

Son &#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33; (Jerry Reed )

12-31-2003, 03:02 AM
So dumb, he has to stay up and practice to stay that stupid. (Works for &quot;ugly&quot; too)



12-31-2003, 04:18 AM
&quot;That girl is so fat that if she hauled **s she&#39;d have to make 2 trips.&quot;

&quot;That person is so ugly they throw up at the mirror every morning.&quot;

An actual statement by a judge in court in St. Tammany Parish, Louisiana: &quot;Unfortunately stupidity is not illegal. If it were, I&#39;d throw the book at you.&quot;

12-31-2003, 04:26 AM
ALT, that is a judge after my heart. Seriously http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif lol

12-31-2003, 11:25 AM
Stupidity got us in this mess-why can&#39;t it get us out?

An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.

I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it.

Practice safe eating-always use condiments.

Happy New Year&#33; Everyone

12-31-2003, 01:27 PM
Those are some of the best I have heard, other than mine of course. This is my thread, you get a gold star. Well, maybe a silver star. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif


12-31-2003, 02:13 PM
If you GOT TO READ THE MANUAL, then the Application is WRONG&#33;

12-31-2003, 02:31 PM
When in doubt (or all else fails), read the directions

No one has ever been able to out run a bullet (GI on their 1st 10 mile run) http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

12-31-2003, 03:10 PM
Depends on which direction the bullet is going&#33; http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif


12-31-2003, 09:00 PM

12-31-2003, 09:21 PM
If God did not exist it would be necessary to invent him.

Stupid people don&#39;t deserve freedom.

Anybody who knows there is no god is just as full of *#@&#036; as someone who knows there is one.

12-31-2003, 09:59 PM
Noisier than two skeletons making love in a 55 gallon drum.

Busier than a one handed paperhanger with jock itch.

01-01-2004, 12:16 AM
&quot; I ain&#39;t too old to cut the mustard , I&#39;m just too tired to spread it around .&quot; #http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif #http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/sad.gif

# Happy New Year

01-01-2004, 01:09 AM
I could not think of one of my own. #My mother was a widow before she died and and she claimed she had the
following 5 boyfriends.


I get up with Charley Horse

I eat breakfast with Will Power

I live all day with Art Ritis

I play with Geri Tol

And go to bed with Ben Gay

Happy New year http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif Ned

01-01-2004, 03:56 AM
OK, last one.......for this year. One of my (many) favorites.

That guy talks like a sh*t salesman with a mouth full of samples.

Happy New Year, everyone&#33;

01-01-2004, 03:12 PM
If I knew I was going to live this long, I&#39;d have taken better care of my health.

01-02-2004, 02:16 AM
Hey...where&#39;d everybody go? I need to know another word for &quot;Thesaurus&quot;.

01-02-2004, 03:54 PM
</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (w8gas @ Jan. 01 2004,19:16)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Hey...where&#39;d everybody go? #I need to know another word for &quot;Thesaurus&quot;.[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
If you want synonyms, you gotta order toast&#33;--punchline of an old restaurant joke.


01-02-2004, 04:22 PM
Wish I could figure out how to quote here.

GAS: the definition of a Thesaurus is &quot; an ancient reptile with a very good vocabulary&quot;.

George Burns said that about living so long.

01-02-2004, 04:24 PM
Nother one:

In the long run, every society gets the government it deserves.



01-02-2004, 04:34 PM
&quot;A night in the box&#33;&quot; http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

01-02-2004, 04:39 PM
&quot;Moe, Larry, the Cheese&#33;&quot; http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

01-03-2004, 02:16 AM
&quot;I have never seen a situation so dismal that a policeman couldn&#39;t make it worse&quot;

Brendan Behan.

&quot;There is no need to rub the fat pig&#39;s arse in lard&quot;

Emmet Stagg, Irish Labour party TD (Congressman) on common agriculture policy of E.U.

01-03-2004, 02:24 AM
&quot;One &#39;Aww sh*t&#33;&#39; erases three &#39;atta-boys&#39;.&quot; - often said by a man I used to work with named Mike Neff.

01-03-2004, 05:16 AM
ERV George burns also said:
I&#39;d rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I hate.

One thing I can say about George....he might not be able to keep a job, but he&#39;s not boring.
Barbara Bush

01-03-2004, 10:50 AM
buddy of mine provided these..

&quot;Friendly Fire.... ISN&#39;T&#33;&quot;

&quot;If the enemy is in range..... So are YOU&#33;&quot;

(Sign seen posted on the bulkhead of a WW2 submarine)
&quot;There are only TWO kinds of ships... Submarines and Targets&#33;&quot;

(from a Explosives Ordinance Division &lt;EOD&gt; guy whose job in VietNam was to descend into the pit where an unexploded 500 pound bomb lay and either disarm it OR set it for remote detonation. Quite a guy.. mellow, nothing gets him rattled. Plus he was a DRILL INSTRUCTOR to boot&#33; NO WONDER THE BOMBS LISTENED TO HIM&#33; HI)

&quot;You&#39;re ONLY as safe as the last &#39;tick&#39; of the timer&#33;&quot;

&quot;What do you mean, you&#39;re COLORBLIND??&#33;&#33;&#33;&quot;

&quot;Eeeny, meeny, Miney, Moe..Now which color shall I cut?&quot;

&quot;Want to travel by air? Join the EOD&#33;&quot;
(You gotta understand the humor of a guy who KNOWINGLY walks up to an unknown explosive device and pokes it with sticks and cuts wires. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif )

&quot;What do you mean &quot;OH SH*T&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;??&quot;
(modified version told in polite company.. &quot;What do you mean... OOPS&#33;&#33;??&quot;)


Chuck K3FT

01-03-2004, 05:07 PM
&quot;Don&#39;t look so happy, we&#39;ll think of something.&quot; -- My HS principal

&quot;I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.&quot; -- Unknown Origin

&quot;Animals have rights......to garlic and butter.&quot; -- Ted Nugent

&quot;Do you walk to school or carry your lunch?&quot; -- Bozo the Clown

&quot;Sex is math: add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and pray not to multiply.&quot; -- Unknown Origin

01-03-2004, 11:49 PM
Got this off one of my dad&#39;s shirt&#39;s

It&#39;s all fun and games untill some one gets hurt then it&#39;s hilarious #http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

01-04-2004, 04:27 AM
wpw, keep trying, they have lots of room here.

A person who doesn&#39;t read is pretty much in the same boat as one who can&#39;t.

01-04-2004, 02:46 PM
&quot;Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.&quot;

- Winston Churchill

01-04-2004, 02:50 PM
&quot;If at first you don&#39;t suck seed, keep on suckin&#39; til you do suck seed&#33;&quot; -

Slogan of the International Watermelon Seed Suckers Association. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

01-04-2004, 03:09 PM
Most have heard the P.T. Barnum quote
&quot;There&#39;s a sucker born every minute &quot; .

When I worked at a car dealership as a collision tech ,the salesmen used to say :

&quot;There&#39;s an ass for every seat &quot;.

(referring to used car sales , I think )

Of course they used the word hole in there , too .
I worked for a used car dealer that used to turn back odometers whose famous quote was :

&quot;You gotta spin to win &quot;


01-04-2004, 03:14 PM
Groucho Marks :

&quot; I would never join a club that would have me as a member &quot; http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/confused.gif

01-04-2004, 05:24 PM
&quot; Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there, except those that sang best.&quot;
Henry Van Dyke

&quot; Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own.&quot;
Carol Burnette

01-04-2004, 09:53 PM
...that is why god gave us 2 ears and only one mouth...so we should LISTEN twice as much as we TALK &#33;&#33; http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

01-04-2004, 09:54 PM
</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (K8EEI @ Jan. 03 2004,09:09)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Most have heard the P.T. Barnum quote
&quot;There&#39;s a sucker born every minute &quot; .

When I worked at a car dealership as a collision tech ,the salesmen used to say :

&quot;There&#39;s an ass for every seat &quot;.

(referring to used car sales , I think )

Of course they used the word hole in there , too .
# #I worked for a used car dealer that used to turn back odometers whose famous quote was :

#&quot;You gotta spin to win &quot;

http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wow.gif[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
didn&#39;t PT Barnum develope the model for eBAY?

01-04-2004, 10:02 PM
FA: correct, in a memo to his secretary who tried to correct him. TOM K8ERV

01-04-2004, 10:04 PM
AMG: What a novel idea&#33; http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif


01-05-2004, 12:55 AM
Life isn&#39;t like a box of chocolates, it&#39;s more like a jar of jalapenos-you never know what&#39;s going to burn your a&#036;&#036;.

Tell me what you need, and I&#39;ll tell you how to get along with it.

I don&#39;t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars and I thought to myself, WHERE THE HECK IS THE CEILING?

01-05-2004, 01:22 AM
You old Navy Types will like this one...

Seen on a toilet wall in Hawaii:

&quot;2 days and a wakeup - 6 Dec 1941&quot;

01-05-2004, 03:36 AM
&quot;Boys flying kites haul in their white winged birds, but you can&#39;t do that when your flying words&quot;.

First Settlers Story

Bernie W6ECE

01-05-2004, 05:02 AM
&quot; Beaten paths are for beaten men.&quot;
Eric A. Johnston

01-05-2004, 05:07 AM
If you fall down get right back up But, check your shoes first. &quot;Old southern saying&quot; http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

01-05-2004, 09:51 AM
GAS: When you can see the stars, the correct question is: Who stole our tent? http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif


01-05-2004, 03:25 PM
&quot; Under capitalism, man exploits man; under socialism, the reverse is true.&quot;
Polish Proverb

01-05-2004, 04:38 PM
http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif just joking...it is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. If you ASK, they might say NO; so do it any way. then if you get in trouble, you can ask for FORGIVENESS for what you did wrong. ....just joking http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

01-06-2004, 02:16 AM
&quot;God gave us family. Thank God we can choose our friends.&quot;
&quot;Procrastinators unite&#33; ... Tomorrow.&quot;
Amber, K7FE&#39;s daughter

01-06-2004, 02:35 AM
http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif speaking of procrastinators....&quot; the procrastinators meeting scheduled for ( month/day/year ) has been rescheduled for ( month/day/year). &quot;

01-06-2004, 04:28 AM
Dijon vu--the same mustard as before.

01-06-2004, 09:59 AM
The time traveller&#39;s meeting has been rescheduled for last month.

01-06-2004, 12:17 PM
Save your money, buy gold, put it in your teeth and keep your mouth shut.

Sage advise from Grandma Johnson

01-06-2004, 04:33 PM
I bought the cow; now I&#39;m lactose intolerant.

If you don&#39;t look at her face, she sure is pretty.

From the Ellen Degenerus Show
ca today

01-06-2004, 10:56 PM
http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif was told this would work in a bar : tell a lady &quot; If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me &quot; ? .......you can lead a horse to water but you can not make him drink.......he cant see the forest for the trees.......he can not hear the wind blow for the breeze.......if there is a party 3 doors down and you were not invited ( or have to get up early the next morning ) their MUSIC is way too LOUD &#33;&#33;

01-07-2004, 11:29 AM
&quot;Don&#39;t be afraid to ask dumb questions. They&#39;re more easily handled than dumb mistakes.&quot;
W. W. Haines

01-07-2004, 02:16 PM
http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif ...if all else fails read the owners manual ..... always run FULL POWER on Hf, it dont matter if you are talking 2 miles or 2000 miles, forget the rule about &quot; using MIMIMUM power needed to communicate &quot;; blast away and remember that it is &quot; ME &quot; talking, not measily little ole you ~~ &#33; http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif ....is it true that antennas installed in COLD ( below 32 degees farenheit ) weather work better than those worked on in higher temperatures ? http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

01-07-2004, 05:40 PM
Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the window.

01-07-2004, 06:36 PM
Three favorites on my office wall:

DEJA MOO: the feeling that you&#39;ve heard this bull before.

Never discount inertia as an explanation for any phenomenon.

Remember: first you pillage, then you burn.

Earlier posts had my favorite from my days in SouthEast Asia: Friendly fire...isn&#39;t&#33;

Another fav: #If the enemy is in range. so are you&#33;

Frank #KH6TX/7
CMSGT, USAF, Ret&#39;d

01-07-2004, 06:37 PM
&quot;I need a ride to the morgue; that&#39;s what 911 is for.&quot;

&quot;Special rules for special people&quot;

01-07-2004, 08:45 PM
Looks like I started a successful thread here. Royalties anyone? http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif


01-07-2004, 09:38 PM
</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (K8ERV @ Jan. 07 2004,12:45)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Looks like I started a successful thread here. Royalties anyone? # http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

TOM K8ERV[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
Yes, please.

01-07-2004, 09:54 PM
Don&#39;t think you got the idea&#33; http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif


01-07-2004, 10:06 PM
</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (K8ERV @ Jan. 07 2004,13:54)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Don&#39;t think you got the idea&#33; # #http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

TOM K8ERV[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
I don&#39;t understand. Were you not offering royalties? I would like some, please.


01-07-2004, 10:06 PM
A penny for your thoughts&#33;

01-08-2004, 07:25 PM
&quot;No one can make you feel inferior without your
Eleanor Roosevelt

01-09-2004, 10:39 AM
If you can&#39;t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

Don&#39;t assume malice for what stupidity can explain.

01-10-2004, 01:46 PM
&quot; Don&#39;t accept your dogs admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.&quot;
Ann Landers

01-10-2004, 03:21 PM
http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif &quot;Self praise sucks . But it is better than no praise .&quot;

01-10-2004, 03:53 PM
&quot; I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn&#39;t study Latin harder in school so I could converse with these people.&quot;
Dan Quayle

01-12-2004, 12:32 PM
&quot; The Mets have gotten their leadoff batter on only once this inning.&quot;

&quot; There&#39;s alot of heredity in that family.&quot;

&quot; Solo homers are usually with no one on base.&quot;

&quot; He&#39;s going to be out of action for the rest of his career.&quot;

&quot; All of his saves came in relief appearances.&quot;

&quot; Tony Gwynn was named player of the year for April.&quot;

&quot; Sutton lost 13 games in a row without winning a ball game.&quot;

&quot; The Hall of Fame ceremonies are on the 31st and 32nd of July.&quot;

Ralph Kiner-- former player, manager, and broadcaster.

Wonder if he went to separate schools together with Yogi Berra.

01-12-2004, 12:34 PM
&quot;You can do twice the work in one effortless motion&#33;&quot;

Breathless announcer in Nautilus commercial.


01-12-2004, 12:36 PM
Dyslexics Untie&#33;

01-12-2004, 02:46 PM
rednecks last words ...&quot; hold my beer and watch me do this &quot; &#33;&#33;

01-12-2004, 05:20 PM
&quot; Wise men talk because they have something to say. Fools talk because they have to say something.&quot;

01-13-2004, 01:56 AM
&quot; Talk with yourself and you&#39;ll hear what you want to know &quot;

# Unknown author ...It might be Steve Tyler #http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

01-13-2004, 02:30 AM
Yup, Tony,

That&#39;s Aerosmith all right.... the song is called &quot;Movin&#39; Out&quot;- off of the first album. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

01-13-2004, 12:48 PM
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

01-13-2004, 01:38 PM
&quot;Dyslexics Untie&#33;&quot;
My favorite so far. It has left with me with this stupid grin on my face all morning&#33;
Thank you sir.

01-13-2004, 04:30 PM
Absent minded people get more exercise.

If BS were music you&#39;d be a brass band&#33;

01-14-2004, 12:26 AM
I&#39;d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

01-14-2004, 11:54 AM
Borrow money from a pessimist, they don&#39;t expect it back.

01-14-2004, 01:20 PM
&quot; Dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire.&quot;
Robert Frost

01-15-2004, 04:26 AM
http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wow.gif7--></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (K9STH @ Dec. 25 2003,05http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wow.gif7)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">This one &quot;slipped by me&quot;&#33; #It doesn&#39;t belong in the Questions &amp; Answers forum but in the Talk &amp; Opinions forum. #Thus, I have moved it&#33;

Glen, K9STH
One of the QRZ.com moderators[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
I don&#39;t think I&#39;ve ever heard that saying before. Is it an original Glen?? #http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

01-15-2004, 04:38 AM
</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (K8ERV @ Jan. 07 2004,13:45)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Looks like I started a successful thread here. Royalties anyone? # http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

TOM K8ERV[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
We don&#39;t have those in the US. We overthrew them in the Revolutionary War. Now, if you want to make me king.....well.....

Another of my old collection: &quot;Everyone has the right to be ugly, but some people just abuse the priviledge.&quot;

My real favorites are in my sig.

01-15-2004, 01:57 PM
I&#39;d kill for the Nobel Peace Prize.

01-15-2004, 04:05 PM
Those who think they are perfect are particularly annoying to those of us who are. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif


01-15-2004, 05:12 PM
It&#39;s better to keep your mouth closed have folks think you are a fool than open it and prove it&#33; (Abraham Lincoln)

01-15-2004, 06:40 PM
I am not a perfectionist. My parents were though.

01-15-2004, 08:46 PM
&quot;When you come to a fork in the road - - take it &#33; &quot; Who else but Yogi Berra

Said to Winston Churchill &quot; You sir are drunk&#33; &quot; to which Mr. Churchill Replied &quot; And you Madam, are ugly, but when I wake up in the morning, I shall be sober &#33; &quot;

I don&#39;t know if that is an &quot;urban legend&quot; or not &#33;

73 from Jim AG3Y

01-15-2004, 08:52 PM
</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">n4dmj

Oh, I almost forgot one:

&quot;I used to be schizophrenic, but we are fine now &quot;
[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>

My boy came up with one like this the other day,

&quot; I&#39;m schizophrenic, and I need help - - - - and I need help too &#33; &quot;

73 from Jim AG3Y

01-15-2004, 09:25 PM
If bullsh*t could fly he&#39;d be a bleeping airport.

01-15-2004, 10:04 PM
&quot; Few sinners are saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.&quot;
Mark Twain

01-16-2004, 12:01 AM
It is difficult to weigh the faults of others without putting your thumb on the scale.

01-16-2004, 02:41 AM
If I want your oppinion I&#39;ll give it to you.

Opinions are like belly buttons, everyone has one. (edited version http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

01-16-2004, 02:54 AM
&quot;Hearing you on single sideband just makes you about half as offensive as you were on AM&#33;&quot; http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wow.gif http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

01-16-2004, 03:40 AM
&quot; There are two kinds of people; those who do the work and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group; there is less competition there.&quot;
Indira Gandhi

01-16-2004, 03:47 AM
When I get up in the morning, I have absolutely nothing to do. And most days there just isn&#39;t enough time to get it all done.

01-16-2004, 07:44 PM
Did you hear about the Dislexic, Agnostic, Insomniac that stayed up all night wondering if there really is a Dog. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

01-16-2004, 08:19 PM
3 of mine
1. I still smoke because nobody likes a quitter
2. I feel sorry for non-drinkers, when they wake up in the morning thats the best they are going to feel the rest of the day.
3. He&#39;s looking well, I bet he gets more ass than a toilet seat.

01-16-2004, 08:29 PM
I still smoke because I don&#39;t want to die of something silly.

01-16-2004, 08:32 PM
&quot; The secret of life is honest and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you&#39;ve got it made.&quot;
Groucho Marx

01-17-2004, 01:59 AM
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but
the sledgehammer was ENTIRELY unnecessary.

01-17-2004, 05:57 AM
Favorite sayings from elder males in my clan:

Grandpa W:
&quot;...Son, we not only don&#39;t know where we&#39;re going, we don&#39;t know where we&#39;ve been&#33;&quot;

&quot;You just can&#39;t get there from here...&quot;

Dad (Navy man and engineer) when confronted with a real puzzle:
&quot;...it just don&#39;t figure for sour owl sh&#33;t...&quot;

Dad-in-Law on a small tombstone in his front lawn:
&quot;Here he lies, all cold and hard, last dog that pooped in my yard...&quot;

01-17-2004, 01:56 PM
The smoking section in a restaurant makes about as much sense as having a peeing section in a swimming pool.

01-17-2004, 02:16 PM
&quot; I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.&quot;
Dan Quayle

&quot; Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.&quot;
Marion Barry

&quot; China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.&quot;
Charles De Gaulle

&quot; I haven&#39;t committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.&quot;
David Dinkins

&quot; Anywhere is walking distance if you&#39;ve got the time.&quot;
Steven Wright

&quot; I&#39;m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I&#39;ll forget.&quot;
Michael McShane

01-17-2004, 03:26 PM
More from Dan Quayle

&quot; I believe we are on an irreversible trend towards more freedom and democracy, but that could change.&quot;

&quot; The future will be a better tomorrow.&quot;

&quot; There are lots more people in the House. I don&#39;t know exactly-I&#39;ve never counted, but at least a couple hundred.&quot;

&quot; One word sums up probably the resonsibility of any vice president, and that one word is &#39;to be prepared&#39;.&quot;

&quot; Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.&quot;

&quot; I have made good judgments in the past and I have made good judgments in the future.&quot;

&quot; Let me say it one more time. It is illrelevant.&quot;

&quot; It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.&quot;

01-18-2004, 07:23 PM
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a
better idiot&#33;

01-19-2004, 01:45 PM
A crowded elevator smells different to a three-year-old.

01-19-2004, 02:34 PM
If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
start with a small country.

01-19-2004, 04:12 PM
If E = IR,

and if E = MC²,

it logically follows that IR = MC².

01-20-2004, 03:53 AM
&quot; It&#39;s no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or the other.&quot;
George Bush

01-20-2004, 12:52 PM
&quot; Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.&quot;
Mark Twain

01-21-2004, 04:34 PM
</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (k7kbn @ Jan. 19 2004,11:12)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">If E = IR,

and if E = MC²,

it logically follows that IR = MC².[/QUOTE]<span id='postcolor'>
That is a non sequiter. Heinlein said &quot;Two things equal to a third, ain&#39;t necessarily equal to each other&quot; and &quot;The biscuits and syrup never come out even&quot; . These are the immutable laws of math I live by. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

01-21-2004, 05:26 PM
The wise don&#39;t expect to find life worth living;
they make it that way.

01-22-2004, 01:18 AM
I hate it when people don&#39;t finish their

01-22-2004, 12:20 PM
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

01-23-2004, 01:57 AM
I don&#39;t suffer from stress. I&#39;m a carrier.

01-23-2004, 12:30 PM
So it ain&#39;t &#39;home sweet home&#39;......Adjust&#33;

01-23-2004, 12:42 PM
I took a test to see if I was developing Alzheimers, but I can&#39;t remember what the results were.

01-23-2004, 03:35 PM
My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves

01-24-2004, 02:05 PM
&quot;All animals except man know that the ultimate of
life is to enjoy it.&quot;
Samuel Butler

01-25-2004, 10:20 PM
Okay, who put a &quot;stop payment&quot; on my reality

01-26-2004, 04:15 PM
&quot;Without men, civilization would last until the oil needed changing.&quot;
Fred Reed

01-27-2004, 03:58 AM
Happiness: a combination of good health and a bad memory.

01-27-2004, 12:23 PM
&quot;Be like a postage stamp--stick to one thing
until you get there.&quot;
Josh Billings

01-28-2004, 01:27 AM
Ambivalence may or may not be my problem.

01-28-2004, 01:56 AM
My favorite (or one of them) and the one I live by is : &quot;Always remember that Murphy was an optimtist&quot; .


01-29-2004, 03:13 PM
Never trust a stockbroker who&#39;s married to a
travel agent.

01-29-2004, 03:20 PM
If you want happiness for an hour -- take a nap.
If you want happiness for a day -- go fishing.
If you want happiness for a month -- get married.
If you want happiness for a year -- inherit a
If you want happiness for a lifetime -- help
someone else.

01-30-2004, 01:58 PM
Funny, I don&#39;t remember being absent minded.

01-30-2004, 02:00 PM
Funny, I don&#39;t remember being absent minded.

01-31-2004, 09:35 AM
The world is made up of good people, and bad people, but it is the good people who decide. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif


01-31-2004, 02:06 PM
Funny, I don&#39;t remember being absent minded.

01-31-2004, 03:52 PM
Of all the things I&#39;ve lost, I think I miss my mind the most.

02-01-2004, 03:06 AM
&quot;Hotter than 3 rats f*cking in a wool sock&quot;

&quot;Dumb as a bag of smashed @ssholes&#33;&quot;


02-01-2004, 08:25 AM
Attributed to David Day, a paper publisher in W. Colo in the 1800s &quot;She was just sixteen when she lost her virginity, a darned good record for this vicinity&quot;.

02-01-2004, 10:39 AM
If the word &quot;sniffles&quot; were replaced with the medical term, &quot;nasal leakage,&quot; people would be a whole lot more serious about finding a cure for the common cold.

02-02-2004, 12:28 AM
There are only three kinds of people in the world; those that can do math and those that can&#39;t. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif



02-02-2004, 08:35 AM
That one will be hard to beat&#33; http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif


02-02-2004, 11:59 AM
Happiness comes through doors you didn&#39;t even know you left open.

02-02-2004, 01:10 PM
One of my favorites was my grandfathers’ response after I had told him something was fool proof.

“ Never under estimate the ingenuity of a fool.”

And then there’s this one.

“ I got a C on my IQ test”

One of my sons classmates after finding out he had gotten a 74 on his IQ test.


02-03-2004, 10:49 AM
All people smile in the same language.

02-03-2004, 06:22 PM
A sense of humor reduces people and problems to
their proper proportions.

02-05-2004, 12:36 AM
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don&#39;t.