KD5ZPG
01-10-2009, 03:30 PM
craigslist.org [?]Date:
2009-01-06, 3:43AM EST
I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that
you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife
on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my
girlfriend’s purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come
across this message. I’d like to apologize. I didn’t
expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after
you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a
reason that evening, and it wasn’t that cold outside.
You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911
.45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a
shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh?
It’s a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your
head, isn’t it? I know it probably wasn’t a great
deal of fun walking back to wherever you’d come from
with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I’m
sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your
shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn’t have
you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to
mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or
“Momma” as you had her listed in your cell, and
explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some
gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless
guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with all of the
cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a
dumpster. I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your
cell. They’ll be on your bill in case you’d like to
know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and
I’ve only had the phone for a little over a day now, so
I don’t know what’s going on with that. I hope they
haven’t permanently cut off your service. I was about to
make some threatening phone calls to the DA’s office
with it. Oh well. So, about your pants. I know that I was a
little rough on you when you did this whole attempted
mugging thing, so I’d like to make it up to you. I’m
sure you’ve already washed your pants, so I’d like
to help you out. I’d like to reimburse you for the
detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and
was it liquid or powder? I’d also like to apologize for
not killing you and instead making you walk back home
humiliated. I’m hoping that you’ll reconsider your
choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky.
If you read this message, email me and we’ll do lunch
and laundry. Peace!
- Alex
2009-01-06, 3:43AM EST
I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that
you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife
on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my
girlfriend’s purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come
across this message. I’d like to apologize. I didn’t
expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after
you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a
reason that evening, and it wasn’t that cold outside.
You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911
.45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a
shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh?
It’s a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your
head, isn’t it? I know it probably wasn’t a great
deal of fun walking back to wherever you’d come from
with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I’m
sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your
shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn’t have
you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to
mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or
“Momma” as you had her listed in your cell, and
explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some
gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless
guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with all of the
cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a
dumpster. I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your
cell. They’ll be on your bill in case you’d like to
know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and
I’ve only had the phone for a little over a day now, so
I don’t know what’s going on with that. I hope they
haven’t permanently cut off your service. I was about to
make some threatening phone calls to the DA’s office
with it. Oh well. So, about your pants. I know that I was a
little rough on you when you did this whole attempted
mugging thing, so I’d like to make it up to you. I’m
sure you’ve already washed your pants, so I’d like
to help you out. I’d like to reimburse you for the
detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and
was it liquid or powder? I’d also like to apologize for
not killing you and instead making you walk back home
humiliated. I’m hoping that you’ll reconsider your
choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky.
If you read this message, email me and we’ll do lunch
and laundry. Peace!
- Alex
