Best Excuses for Calling in Sick

[kg4kww]

Best Excuses for Calling in Sick
Anthony Balderrama, CareerBuilder.com writer


Did you hear the one about the woman who couldn’t go to work because her chickens’ feet were frozen to the driveway? It’s not a joke — it’s an actual excuse given to a boss.


Gone are the days when an employee called in sick and coughed a little to make the story believable. Today, workers give a variety of excuses when they stay home from the office. And they’re doing it a lot.


Almost one-third of employees admitted to calling in sick to work last year even though they weren’t ill, according to CareerBuilder.com’s annual survey. Fortunately for them, 75 percent of employers believe their employees are sick when they say they are.


But some bosses aren’t falling for it.


Thirty-five percent of employers checked up on their supposedly sick employees. The majority (67 percent) of those suspicious bosses demanded a note from the doctor. A determined 14 percent actually drove by the employee’s home.


So what should you tell your boss if you need a rest but there’s not a holiday in sight?


Honesty is the best policy, says Rosemary Haefner, vice president of human resources for CareerBuilder.com. “If you’re a strong employee and you’re truthful about the time you need off, your employer is likely to give it to you.” But if you get caught in a lie, you risk your reputation and possibly even your job.


Luckily, many employers are beginning to understand that an employee doesn’t have to be suffering from the flu to need a day off. Mental health days, which allow employees to stay home from work to escape the stress and chaos of the office, are gaining acceptance in the workplace. Sixty-nine percent of surveyed employers consider mental health days acceptable uses of sick leave.


“Employers are placing a greater emphasis on work/life balance, offering more opportunities for employees to recharge and return to the office more productive,” Haefner says.


So the next time you call in sick — whether you have the flu or a desire to stay in your pajamas until noon — you can decide if you want to tell the truth or a little white lie. If you choose the latter, here are some of the most unusual excuses bosses revealed.


1. At her sister’s wedding, an employee chipped her tooth on a Mint Julep, bent over to spit it out, hit her head on a keg and was knocked unconscious.

2. While at a circus, a tiger urinated on the employee’s ear, causing an ear infection.

3. An employee’s dog wasn’t feeling well, so the employee tasted the dog’s food and then got sick.

4. “Someone put LSD in my salad.”

5. An employee’s roommate locked all his clothes in a shed for spite.

6. “Stuck on an island – canoe floated away.”

7. An employee was upset because his favorite American Idol contestant was voted off.

8. “I didn’t think I had to come in if I had time in my vacation bank. I thought I could take it whenever I wanted.”

9. An employee said he wasn’t feeling well and wanted to rest up for the company’s holiday party that night.

10. A groundhog bit the employee’s car tire, causing it to go flat.



Anthony Balderrama is a writer and blogger for CareerBuilder.com. He researches and writes about job search strategy, career management, hiring trends and workplace issues.

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[KW4MW]

I went to a neighbors house for a party one evening and during the course of the merriment I noticed a strange looking object mounted on the wall. #It was head of a small dog with its mouth open and mounted on a plaque similar in fashion to trophy game heads. #

Of course I inquired as to its origin. #It seems that hubby and wife had gone to her company's awards dinner one night and after dinner the big shots began handing out awards - employee of the year, salesman of the year, most money saved, etc. # Sharon was fairly new with the company and certainly did not expect an award. #So it was with great surprise to her when she was called upon the stage to receive a "special award". #Delighted she rushed onstage only to be presented with the mounted dog head for "the most original excuse for calling in sick". #

Her excuse? #She called in to say that she couldn't come to work since she didn't sleep at all the previous night. #When asked why she didn't get any sleep she told them that the neighbors dog had eaten some pine bark mulch the previous evening and then had kept her awake all night with howling, shivering and trying to s*** the pine bark. #


As to the dog's head - before someone calls PETA. #The company was a waste collection company - the dog was road kill that they had picked up and the fellow that mounted the dog head #was a taxidermist.

[N2RJ]

Weeeeell, at my job, >1day sick, you need a doc's note.

I've taken only one sick day, and I really was sick.

We don't have that much vacation time (10 days + 6 floating holidays) so I can see how some people would call in "sick."

[K0RGR]

Even my company, which used to have fairly liberal policies, is getting tight about it. After 3 days, you have to go on short term disability.

On the other hand, when I started with the company, if you called in sick during your 6 month probationary period, you were dead. Now, I've seen people come in and turn around and go home with a headache at least once a week, and still not get in trouble.

[kg4kww]

My clients have the best excuse of all

[KG6YTZ]

I'm glad I work for some cool people. #http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

The down-side is that we basically have just as many board-ops as we need to fill the available shifts, so on occasion, it can be a little bit difficult to find someone who's available to take a shift for you. Advance notice is usually a good idea.

[n7rjd]

Quote[/b] (kg4kww @ Jan. 09 2008,14:36)]My clients have the best excuse of all
Sorry to say but if your clients are voicing excuses I think you might be getting started just a bit early. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif

[KE6SHJ]

Best excuse I've used? Hmmm come to think of it I've never called in sick. My line of work there is no time to be sick, you sweat it out and bust tail at work. The tire business is very demanding. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/mad.gif

[KG4JYD]

Quote[/b] (kg4kww @ Jan. 09 2008,20:36)]Best Excuses for Calling in Sick


6. “Stuck on an island – canoe floated away.”
Growing up in the Boy Scouts I would have to say that is actually VERY plausible.

[KG6YTZ]

<KG6YTZ bets that he knows what JYD's avatar is> #http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

[kb1oev]

Quote[/b] (KG4JYD @ Jan. 10 2008,02:11)]Quote[/b] (kg4kww @ Jan. 09 2008,20:36)]Best Excuses for Calling in Sick


6. “Stuck on an island – canoe floated away.”
Growing up in the Boy Scouts I would have to say that is actually VERY plausible.
Not if you earned the swimming merit badge though, and especially if you got the mile swim award. Haha.

[kb1oev]

I saw a list of what to do if caught sleeping at your desk. I don't remember many, but a couple of good ones are:

"I was just taking one of those 15min power naps that they mandated at the last time management seminar that you sent me to."

"I must have left the top off the white-out. Thank goodness you came along, or I could have been a gonner."

"Amen"

[kn4ds]

Quote[/b] (N2RJ @ Jan. 09 2008,23:10)]Weeeeell, at my job, >1day sick, you need a doc's note.

I've taken only one sick day, and I really was sick.

We don't have that much vacation time (10 days + 6 floating holidays) so I can see how some people would call in "sick."
I have taken 2 afternoons off sick... less than 4 hours doesn't count as an absence.. and I really was sick.

That's in 4 years with this company.

As for vacation time... I have 240 hours available. I really should take some of it... maybe for Dayton?
http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif

Our company also gives employees a week off at Christmas that doesn't count against PTO.

[N8UZE]

Quote[/b] (ke6shj @ Jan. 10 2008,00:49)]Best excuse I've used? #Hmmm come to think of it I've never called in sick. My line of work there is no time to be sick, you sweat it out and bust tail at work. The tire business is very demanding. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/mad.gif
I hate it when people come in to work sick or the mechanic is sick the day I take my car in or whatever. #They may be able to work through it but if I catch what they have, it always seems to be exceptionally virulent for me. And I always seem to catch it. #As a result, I tend to resent people coming to work sick. # http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/mad.gif

[WA6MHZ]

I always go to work when I am sick. I can sit there and cough, wheeze and sneeze and just feel terrible but still get the work done. My sick days are saved for when I have something IMPORTANT to do, like go to a ham swapmeet or radio event. Then, I am "sick".

[KD6NIG]

I'll call in if I'm having involuntary actions that I cannot control and should preferably be handled in the bathroom, and said bathroom being within 5 seconds travel time.

Other than that, I come to work and gut it out. Probably shouldn't. But then I don't get paid sick time either-if I take a day off, thats a days pay out of the envelope too.

Thats usually the main reason I don't call in.

[N3ATS]

At a former job, I called in because of a stomach virus/diarrhea/vomiting.

When I returned to work I was heckled by some of my co-workers who "wondered" if I was really sick.

A year later I was stricken by the same bug. That time I took some photographs in my bathroom and E-Mailed them to the doubters.

I was never questioned again.

[kc7rs]

Best Excuses for Calling in Sick...

I'm having vision problems. I just can't see myself coming into work today.

[ab8ma]

Quote[/b] (kg4kww @ Jan. 10 2008,04:36)]My clients have the best excuse of all
Best Ways to Get Repeat Business. http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

[WB2WIK]

Pedro called in sick and spoke to his boss, the department manager of a large corporation.

"Boss, I don't feel so good today. I can't come to work."

Boss: "Pedro, I really need you today. I'm sure you can do something to feel better."

"I don't think so, boss."

Boss: "Why don't you try this? When I feel bad sometimes I just ask my wife for sex. We have sex, and I feel much better, then I take a shower and come to work."

"Okay, maybe I can try that."

Pedro shows up at work two hours later.

Boss: "Pedro, glad you made it in. Did you follow my advice?"

"I sure did, boss. It worked great and I feel better now."

Boss: "That's great!"

Pedro: "Boss, you have a nice house." http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

[KC5CSG]

Decent excuse:

Sorry sir but the wife and I got a little wild last night but we're still missing a hamster. I can't go anywhere until we find it.

Odds are, they'll give you all the time off you need and wont even ask for details when you get back.

Jerry

[K8ERV]

Quote[/b] (kg4kww @ Jan. 09 2008,21:36)]My clients have the best excuse of all
You beat me to it. STOP doing that!

TOM K8ERV Montrose Colo

[kf4vgx]

Phone call to Boss,

Morning boss,I can't come to work today". I think I have explosive diarrhea."

I ate two Ex-Lax chocolate's thinking it was chocolate bars in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.
Have a good day "click" .

[KI4PEQ]

The organization that employed me for most of my working life HAD no SICK DAYS. You were sick, you reported to the base hospital. If you were sick, you were placed on quarters. You were NOT sick and faking it, your next stop was the boss's (commander's) office. There you would be assigned some additional work that would keep your mind off of trying to fake an illness.

A good policy IMHO. A company my wife used to work for can't keep help, because in the summertime the workforce comes down with the summer flu. The cure for which is plenty of sun and sand, along with a few adult beverages of choice.

[N2RJ]

Quote[/b] (kn4ds @ Jan. 10 2008,09:41)]Quote[/b] (N2RJ @ Jan. 09 2008,23:10)]Weeeeell, at my job, >1day sick, you need a doc's note.

I've taken only one sick day, and I really was sick.

We don't have that much vacation time (10 days + 6 floating holidays) so I can see how some people would call in "sick."
I have taken 2 afternoons off sick... less than 4 hours doesn't count as an absence.. and I really was sick.

That's in 4 years with this company.

As for vacation time... I have 240 hours available. I really should take some of it... maybe for Dayton?
http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif

Our company also gives employees a week off at Christmas that doesn't count against PTO.
Lucky you.

Vacation for me is no big deal anyway. I'd love to have more, but I make decent coin so it's a wash. I guess you can buy anything for the right price.

[N2RJ]

Quote[/b] (wa6mhz @ Jan. 10 2008,10:59)]I always go to work when I am sick. I can sit there and cough, wheeze and sneeze and just feel terrible but still get the work done. My sick days are saved for when I have something IMPORTANT to do, like go to a ham swapmeet or radio event. Then, I am "sick".
Bad practice.

My job actually encourages you to stay home when you are really sick, because if you come to work sick, you can spread your disease to others.

[KW4MW]

An oldie:

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating.

I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.

The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially the new acquisition was no problem, but one morning I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

"Ed! the garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it."

You know where the button is," I protested through the shower (pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!"

"I am scared!" She pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" (Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a statement about how her cowardly behavior was, but not without consequence.

I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, without respect to my circumstances.

Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she spied between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I took the bait under the sink.

At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.

Now when men feel pain or even sense danger anywhere close to their masculine region, they lose all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements. Instinctively, their nerves compel the body to contort inwardly, while rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed.

Not even a well trained monk could calmly stand with his groin supporting the full weight of a kitten and rectify the situation in a step-by-step manner.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option.

Fleeing straight up, I knew at that moment how a cat feels when it is alarmed. It was a dismal irony. But, whereas cats seek great heights to escape, I never made it that far. The sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they tried to conduct their work while suppressing their hysterical laughter.

At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk.

"What's the matter, cat got your tongue?"

If they had only known!!

[KG6YTZ]

oh.

My.

GOD. #http://www.qrz.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

<looks up KW4MW; determines that his name is not Ed>